Emotional Roller coaster

Thanksgiving 2014. I'm still a bit numb, and glad, otherwise yesterday would have been impossible to live through. I feel so many emotions on a daily basis now. BUT, I always tune them out and just meet myself right in the middle everytime. Numb, or maybe the complete opposite, I feel so much that I cannot pinpoint any single emotion.
Elated, my biggest little helped decorate the Christmas tree on Thanksgiving. It was just she and I, all 3 1/2 years of her and she did so great on our tree. That sweet baby, she was so happy to help as usual. When we got done decorating it and she looked down at the floor sadly and said she missed Daddy, that was raw, it was devistating. I still don't know how to explain this, and I don't think I ever will know. I was over the moon to spend that time with her, and it was such a good bonding experience, I won't even attempt to ruin it by putting it in words, but what I surprised myself when she said she missed him, and I said me too and found myself tearing up as well. I was hoping to get through these first set of holidays numb, not hateful and not hurting, but that's apparently not happening.
I went to bed the other night just fine, only to wake up bawling my eyes out because I was dreaming he was giving me a good morning forehead kiss. To think of so many of these little things that I won't experience with him again strikes a nerve, and it seems impossible that I won't ever feel his hand in mine again, his lips on mine, I won't ever be who I have been, he and I will never be us again. It still just seems like a big mirage.
I was reading a book the other day that says it takes 2 or 3 years on average to heal from a divorce properly. I immediately lost it and flew into a fit of tears. I do not want to feel this way another 2 years! Are you kidding me? I can lie to myself all day and say that I am okay, but look where that has gotten me so far.
Can this all just fade away? I want to wake up now.

Thaksgiving in Dallas

Well well well.

I am elated that we are back in Texas around family, especialy at this time of year! We went up to Dallas (well technically Frisco) mid-Wednesday and the traffic was not terrible, but not the greatest either. My little girl lit up seeing her Granny & Mr. Mark (her granny's long-term boyfriend). She just loves seeing them! Wednesday was pretty relaxed. Thanksgiving Thursday we went to Mr. Mark's parent's house and it was just like I remember from last year, only my husband was home with us to indulge in the holiday goodies!

Mr. Mark's dad is in his 70's and has Alzheimers. It has gotten so much worse over this past year. He is about half the weight he was (which wasn't much to begin with), he was talking to random objects, or no objects at all and he was attempting to eat everything, edible or not. It breaks my heart to think what his marriage is going through, what he is going through, the family. I mean, if it hurts me so bad to know what he is going through, you know the grandchildren children and wife must be devistated. I spent most of Thanksgiving worried about him, hoping he is enjoying being around family, when he remembers who they are of course.

I really don't know too much about Alzheimers, other than it makes people forget... I've decided it is time to research. I learned this past week that there are more symptoms than just memory loss, and I want to know more about it.

Thursday I must have ate too much, ended up sick multiple times throughout the night and ended up going to L&D to get checked out since I couldn't keep anything down. Gas, of course it felt like I was in pre-term labor though. Thankfully, baby is doing great and a bit of nausea medicine cleared things up.

My little family and I indulged in a few clothing items each on Black Friday, and saw nothing crazy, thank goodness. By the time Friday came to a close I was pretty sad. It is so nice having people around who are family. I hadn't had this feeling before, the comfortable feeling of knowing these people will love you no matter what. I am so thankful for my Mother-In-Law and her side of the family, including "Mr. Mark".

We headed back home on Saturday and I went straight to a networking event and met some great women with some wonderful visions and hearts. I am so glad to have met them! This was my first "vendor" event and I loved it, I learned from it and I want to grow from it! So inspiring to see other women out there doing what I am doing, and from so many different aspects!

I hope you all had a great holiday "weekend" and remember those who will have holidays that aren't quite as happy as they used to be for multiple reasons that life throws at us all at random times. Pray for those you do and do not know and love your neighors!