A Great Debate

The moment when you finally catch a true lazy moment in the day and for once spend it watching reality TV. You watch an episode of Teen Mom and you oddly find yourself relating to a majority of the issues the young moms are going through. Sure, you got married and sure, you were a couple years older than then when you started. Another thing you have in common, you were not ready.
Is anybody ever truly ready? And, if they are, do they know they are ready? How do they know? Does that really raise any better of a child, or does it just make it less stressful on the parents?

I want to argue that in my mind, it comes down to the determination of the parent, definitely not the financial status or age of the parent. Was the baby planned? What were the intentions of creating another human being?

There were a few times while I was married where my former spouse would watch a show of my choosing instead of his. I recall once when I picked Teen Mom (I know I know!) and he actually watched with me. Legitimately watched and felt and empathized with the moms, he crap talked most of the guys actions and called them names left and right. At the end of the episode, he looked me in the eyes and told me, "If I ever acted that way while you were pregnant, if I acted half that bad, I apologize. You don't deserve that" and a few other choice comments about the parents.

At the time, I am pretty sure I just gave him a glazed over look because I did not want to answer. It wouldn't surprise me if I even lied to him and said "no baby you were much better" or "you weren't nearly that bad"! The truth is... I wanted to say and to this day it has been confirmed that I want to shout from the rooftops that he sucks as a parent. I want to smack him over the head for so many of the same things the moms in Teen Mom discuss on the show. I don't want to write this to complain about him... well I do but I hold myself to a higher standard... so what I am getting at is this.

I got married and had a baby at 20, out of my teenage years, my husband was 21. I know my mothering could have been better, but... can't everyone's? If we are waiting until we are happy with ourselves... most people would never have children. If we waited until society was happy with us... we would definitely never have children! Don't great, phenomenal people come from some of the worst places and upbringings? I just wanted to point out something here that I am sure many have said before me... it really does only mostly take love to raise a child and do it in a "right" way. I know we can argue money and other issues all day long... but the way I see it a homeless mom COULD be a way better mom than SOME millionaire couples. It all comes down to intentions.

Thaksgiving in Dallas

Well well well.

I am elated that we are back in Texas around family, especialy at this time of year! We went up to Dallas (well technically Frisco) mid-Wednesday and the traffic was not terrible, but not the greatest either. My little girl lit up seeing her Granny & Mr. Mark (her granny's long-term boyfriend). She just loves seeing them! Wednesday was pretty relaxed. Thanksgiving Thursday we went to Mr. Mark's parent's house and it was just like I remember from last year, only my husband was home with us to indulge in the holiday goodies!

Mr. Mark's dad is in his 70's and has Alzheimers. It has gotten so much worse over this past year. He is about half the weight he was (which wasn't much to begin with), he was talking to random objects, or no objects at all and he was attempting to eat everything, edible or not. It breaks my heart to think what his marriage is going through, what he is going through, the family. I mean, if it hurts me so bad to know what he is going through, you know the grandchildren children and wife must be devistated. I spent most of Thanksgiving worried about him, hoping he is enjoying being around family, when he remembers who they are of course.

I really don't know too much about Alzheimers, other than it makes people forget... I've decided it is time to research. I learned this past week that there are more symptoms than just memory loss, and I want to know more about it.

Thursday I must have ate too much, ended up sick multiple times throughout the night and ended up going to L&D to get checked out since I couldn't keep anything down. Gas, of course it felt like I was in pre-term labor though. Thankfully, baby is doing great and a bit of nausea medicine cleared things up.

My little family and I indulged in a few clothing items each on Black Friday, and saw nothing crazy, thank goodness. By the time Friday came to a close I was pretty sad. It is so nice having people around who are family. I hadn't had this feeling before, the comfortable feeling of knowing these people will love you no matter what. I am so thankful for my Mother-In-Law and her side of the family, including "Mr. Mark".

We headed back home on Saturday and I went straight to a networking event and met some great women with some wonderful visions and hearts. I am so glad to have met them! This was my first "vendor" event and I loved it, I learned from it and I want to grow from it! So inspiring to see other women out there doing what I am doing, and from so many different aspects!

I hope you all had a great holiday "weekend" and remember those who will have holidays that aren't quite as happy as they used to be for multiple reasons that life throws at us all at random times. Pray for those you do and do not know and love your neighors!

Goals

2 Chronicles 15:7

But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded.

When you ask me what plans I have for my future, my usual answer is, "ask God". Surely I have dreams and desires, I just don't know what all of them are, and my dreams change often. 

I know I want to grow in my love for my Lord and Savior every day of my life. I never want to lose him, and I want to lead my family in a great example of Christ-like love! I want to know my bible in and out and know how to relate it to this crazy-real world.

I pray that I will be an amazing, out of this world wife in my husbands eyes and that I help God keep him happy for always. I pray we show our children, and this world a true marriage on THE ROCK. I pray we forever remember our hard times so that we know marriage does take work, and we have made it through entirely too much to ever quit on each other.

Right now we are actually trying for a second child. I don't know if it is so much trying as it is not-not trying! Haha! We both hope for a boy, but know that a girl would make us just as happy, as we've been shown that before. The both of us just want to have a good pregnancy experience now that our relationship is stable. We want to see what God had in store for us when done his way.

Mainly I pray that when and if God blesses us with another baby, that we both love our children just the same even though they will have come from two completely different times in our life. I pray we don't let our feelings toward each other in the past harm our first-born any more than they have and that forever she feels loved just the same as a possible new child. My heart hurts thinking about all the things she didn't have that a new baby might have. I know it will shape her personality, I just hope it is in a positive way!

Concerning my husbands military career, I hope he stays happy with whatever he chooses, and that the Lord make a way if it ever be that he may need to get out and venture into a career outside of military life style. All I know is I want him safe, happy, and confident in all his choices.    

When it comes to my career, I want to have confidence in myself, and be happy as well as support my family. Like most, I'd love the dream job. Thank the good Lord that I am in the beginning process of this as I started with Mary Kay May 9, 2013. I have so many possibilities and it is all up to God and how much work I put in. My Mary Kay short term goal is to get my Perfect Start Pin, Power Start Pin, and my Pearls!!! Within the next year I want to achieve the second level of car bonus and get the MK Mustang! I would love to be able to retire my husband off of my MK income and help my children through College wherever they might want to go, if they want to go.

I want to make it out of the country, even if it is just once. Mexico or Canada would even be fine with me, I just want to be able to say I've been elsewhere.

I want to start a Fundraising Foundation one day, I just do not know what for quite yet.

I hope to gleam Christ' love everywhere I go and be humble all my days.

Sadly, I know I am a sinner and sometimes I will just have to apologize to my Lord and the people I hurt along my life journey. I can only pray to receive forgiveness, and repent!

I Am Married

Genesis 2:22-24

Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.  The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man."  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

 

August 27, 2009 I made the best choice I might have made in my life, second only to accepting God as my Heavenly Father and Creator. At the time I was 19 living with my current best friend. She and I worked at a restaurant and were fairly active in our social lives, going out or hanging out with another friend or two practically every night. As she and I got dressed for the night, I checked my facebook one last time. I noticed that my first high-school crush was online. I had added him the day before and really thought that never would there be a day he would even remember me. Well, long story short I stayed home from the party and messaged him back and forth until my fingers nearly fell off. We did not stop talking, texting, messaging or hanging out for the next month.

I have now been with my sweet-heart nearly four years. I have followed him throughout his military career from day one, dropping him off at his recruiter to go off to MEPS. We have been through a deployment, we have a two-year-old daughter and two puppies. He and I have been through a rugged beginning, including incidents that possibly only occurred because we hadn't known God's love for us just yet. We can both look back now and be thankful for the hard times.

The bible verse above is the basis of a series called Marriage On The Rock that my husband and I host a weekly group for out of our church. This book (also a dvd) teaches so many principles that many married people never realize. I highly recommend you look into this book, whether you are married or not! MOTR helps one to understand oneself as well as other people. It can definitely be used as a tool for any relationship, but it is based off of God's plan for marriage.

The main thing I have learned in our time together is to out God first, my husband second, my children third, and all the rest will follow.

Genesis 28:22

"...and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God's house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth".

Wowza, did I learn something yesterday or what?!

Let me fill you in on some things before I tell you the importance of this bible verse.

1. I've been job searching for about 3 months here in lovely Washington.

2. I've come close to numerous jobs.

3. I've been super hopeful in getting a job at a gym of any sort.

4. I've been waiting to hear back from L.A. Fitness for 3 weeks, when they had told me they needed someone A.S.A.P. at the time of my interview.

5. I have trust issues.

6. I'm still learning a lot about my faith.

7. My husband is currently our only household income, and I worry about making moves monetarily when he isn't sure about something.

8. I have a church back home that I miss dearly, and a church here that the husband and I are not too sure about.

9. I come to random conclusions that could have made just as much sense if I'd figured them out months ago.

10. God's timing is the only timing that matters.

Anyways, I was reading my bible yesterday (I'm trying to read beginning to end, as well as doing a "Bible in a Year" app on my iPhone). As I read I came across this and those three words hit me hard. "you give me", meaning God gives us all we have, it's only fair to give Him what He asks so that He doesn't take away all we expect when we don't always deserve it. 
I sent a picture of my highlighted (in two colors) and underlined three words to my husband. All of a sudden, as soon as I hit send, I had an idea! Neither of us are too sure about the church we are currently in but we know God wants us there right now, so it's been hard to give let alone a full 10% financially that God asks for. I asked my husband if he is ready to deal into God's hands starting this check and that if he wasn't comfortable with us tithing to our current church then we could send our tithes to our home church if that made him more comfortable. He agreed and said we need to just keep the faith. (P.s. I love what God is doing to us personality wise. We are learning so much and gaining faith every day!) 
So once I had the go ahead from the head of the house, I began re-budgeting. I put our tithes at the top of the list; above rent, groceries, all bills, "fun" money (non-existent most checks). LITERALLY the moment I got done budgeting and just left our money issues to God in my head, I got a cal from LA Fitness saying I had been hired. 
Three months of job searching, three weeks of hearing nothing from LA Fitness. All I did was do as my creator expects, I PUT HIM FIRST. Maybe to some of you this is just some coincidence, but whatever it is, it makes me want to keep doing as my heavenly Father wants me to do.
I'm just blown away.
Dare you: Tithe in your full 10% so that God can bless you the way he wants to!   

  

Half way there!

Deployment's almost over!
We're at our half-way mark folks! I am overly joyed, and going to pray even harder than before. I figured things would be easier than they have been; it isn't so much that life has been more difficult, as much as it is that it's just more stressful. For the majority of a year once this deployment is over I will still be living away from my husband though, and I am somewhat excited about this. I believe it will give lovebug & I a fresh start, a way to let us appreciate each other again.
I'm worried for the pain it could bring our daughter, however we came to the conclusion that it should be better for her to stay where we plan to be long-term vs. moving for a few months then coming back. Routine wise and for family reasons it just seems better for her. It was an easy decision to make when we made it, probably for selfish reasons on my part. Of course, things have changed since then and I feel I'm going to regret having made it, however the decision has been made & it is one we need to stick to. I would love to share pictures & details but this is anonymous for a reason so I suppose I don't want to ruin that aspect.

I plan to be on here more often starting soon, I had my top two wisdom teeth removed last Friday and am just now getting back "up to par". Get ready for some rowdy blogging! ;)

Sincerely,
Dying to hug & kiss him! 

The Beginning of an "Era"

Its the little things...

Yes, the little things which have brought me time and time again to the thought of starting up a blog for the first time since I was something like 14 and Xanga was a cool place to hang out. I find that I keep plenty of thoughts to myself, and it's time to let the world hear them... per-say. 

Fascinating thoughts

I will probably end up blogging about more than I could list, but the major points in my life will most likely end up surrounded around:
Family (and the ups and downs involved with each branch of the tree)
I have a husband who is finishing up his military contract within the next two years, and my daughter and I are currently dealing with his one and only deployment. He & I have been through a few things more than most 22 year olds, married or not & I wouldn't change him for the world. We're coming up on 3 years spent together at the end of August. 
Our daughter is a 17 month old giant, the size of most 2.5 year olds we run into, due to her daddy being 6'4". 
I am not close to any of my family. By not close, I suppose I really mean I'm rather distant from them. I have means to contact them but prefer not to for many a different reason. I'm sure some of these reasons will appear in my blog accordingly. I DO have a friend of about 15 years whom I consider a sister. I'll just call her SD for short. She is currently my room mate and will be so until at least when my husband makes it back to my arms safely.
My in-laws; Let's call my husband lovebug just because it is embarrassing and he will be thrown by it. Well lovebug's parents are split, have been for quite a while. So, my mother-in-law's side is definitely closer to me than my father-in-law's, but I can't wait for the day where both sides can accept me and call me up for anything.
Books
I go on random sprees where I can't stop reading, then I have a dry spell for up to years at a time. We'll see what I read during this said blogging era of mine. Currently I am on book 2 of the Fifty Shades series. Book one seemed like it had a little too much hype, good book but no better than I would expect any romance novel to be (I'm usually not into romance novels). I don't have a usual book genre, or movie genre for that matter. I'm fairly well rounded.
Health & Wellness
I have lost 30lbs. within the past year; really it was within a matter of something like 3 months, but with deployment and moving and coping I can't say I've continued to lose, but I have maintained perfectly! I am still in a good workout habit but not up to par with where I was during my weight loss. I was also eating a more rounded diet until the deployment showed me my way back to my sweet tea and fast food. I will conquer these issues before deployment is up. AND I will be able to do a pull-up before then too, no help needed!
Children
I am a mommy and a nanny. I like to teach! I'm currently teaching the 3 year old sign language and her abc's as well as shapes colors and numbers. My daughter joins in when she can sit still for more than 5 minutes. I love doing crafts with them both and can't wait for the 3 month old to get up and moving!
Religion
VERY recently my husband and I both found ourselves at a pit-fall both as individuals and a couple as well as a family. We have turned to god through tough times, and you can ask anyone who knows us, it's beyond unexpected. However, I find myself more convinced each passing day and can't wait til I find the right church for my family so that I can engross myself in learning His word and finding the faith I have been looking for since adolescence.
School
I went to UTA for a year before overworking myself by having a part-time job a full-time job and being a full-time student. I lost my scholarship and gave up entirely too soon. I am currently enrolled in Meditec. It is an online school offering multiple choices. I have found myself at a stand still with my schoolwork since deployment began as well. Slowly but surely I am achieving minute amounts each day. I am about 7/8 of the way done with my first certificate and have two more following completion of the first. Once it is all said and done I will be certified in Medical Transcription, Billing & Coding.


Well I suppose this is enough about me for now. Let the blogging begin!
Ta-Ta my new found friends.
Sincerely,
HOW DO I WORK THIS THING!