The D Word

Hi all my fellow inter-web dweebs.
I have been one hell of a busy bee, and personally under a TON of personal construction.
I got the shocking news one morning after my husbands CQ shift basically a month after Baby #2 was born, the news that he wanted the dreaded and over used D word. A Divorce. I am smack dab in the middle of one of those. It's been almost 5 months now since I heard him say it and it still strikes a nerve in my heart, and in my head.
Just out of respect I'll keep the personal details there at a minimum for now since it is still such a hard topic for me, and any random day I feel stronger than the next. However, this D word sure dues bring about a lot of change. I have found the D word really is what you make it. Positive learning experience or a negative drama filled heated soul sucker, most days I choose positive.
I have both my baby girls full time, have moved back to the DFW area, did have a full-time job however decided I want to go back to school full-time and become a personal trainer/elementary school PE teacher (because who didn't love dodge ball and field day back then!); I am changing. I am realizing so many things about marriage, mine specifically as well as the term. Not just marriage, but myself. Who am I? I ask myself this more now than I ever have. Mostly because I now have two sweet angel babies watching my every move, and I mean EVERY! I know the woman I want to be, but as I ask myself "Who am I?" I need to make sure I know "Why am I"?
I asked my almost Ex-Husband last night "When did I change into this hateful person?". After settling his confusion in my random question he answered and it told me all I needed to know. Yes, his actions somewhere about a year into our relationship had begun this monster I have become, but am I going to blame him and get no where, or take responsibility for my actions? Every day I hope to choose the latter, but the truth is that probably won't happen.
I'm hoping to stretch my mind and grow from this. Praying not to loose my faith. And begging God to help me heal. I miss being a happy person, I miss loving people, I miss being open but not brutal.
Who are you in your relationship? Has that always been you? Do you want that to always be? Change it now, or it will not change.

Ta-ta cyberland