When all else fails...

blog.
What a lonely world we live in, right? With all the advances of technology, it's easier to get online and vent when you are having an issue than it is to go to someone and ask them to go out of their comfort zone, put whichever device they are addicted to down for a minute and just let you cry, yell, vent, be held etc.
So, here I have found myself, all night long, processing the information that my ex husband has moved on, and not only this but to say the very least this has been a long time coming, like the whole last year of our marriage (not counting since I have known of him wanting the divorce). AND not only that either, she and her infant son are living with him. All of that is just icing on the damn cake to be quite honest. I won't divulge the other 12 things on my mind out of respect for him. Can you believe that, I'm still worried about having respect for him. Hmm, that is kind of hard for me to process at the moment honestly.
I have never just lost my temper with him, I have always tried to understand his way of thinking first and I can usually see from most points of view, however the past month I have found myself on 3 different occasions just wanting to lose my voice in a fit of rage screaming at him. Of course this won't happen because it is me we are talking about.
So while they are over there playing happy family (I presume of course) here I sit. Raising these two sweet girls, going back to school full-time, living now with my ex-husbands mother (who is literally the best woman on the planet, no sarcasm on that either) so that my babies have someone around who truely loves them as often as humanely possible in my situation. Not only for that reason, but also so he would know I'm not out acting crazy and partying and hanging out with random men etc. Again, respecting him, what the hell am I thinking, right?
I had so many signs to leave. I really did. Knowing that, I still don't think I would have because I really wanted to show him he should love himself by how much I loved him. Some people just won't understand that way I guess. Maybe God will bless him another way and he will realize. Who knows.

Until then, when all else fails I will probably blog.

The D Word

Hi all my fellow inter-web dweebs.
I have been one hell of a busy bee, and personally under a TON of personal construction.
I got the shocking news one morning after my husbands CQ shift basically a month after Baby #2 was born, the news that he wanted the dreaded and over used D word. A Divorce. I am smack dab in the middle of one of those. It's been almost 5 months now since I heard him say it and it still strikes a nerve in my heart, and in my head.
Just out of respect I'll keep the personal details there at a minimum for now since it is still such a hard topic for me, and any random day I feel stronger than the next. However, this D word sure dues bring about a lot of change. I have found the D word really is what you make it. Positive learning experience or a negative drama filled heated soul sucker, most days I choose positive.
I have both my baby girls full time, have moved back to the DFW area, did have a full-time job however decided I want to go back to school full-time and become a personal trainer/elementary school PE teacher (because who didn't love dodge ball and field day back then!); I am changing. I am realizing so many things about marriage, mine specifically as well as the term. Not just marriage, but myself. Who am I? I ask myself this more now than I ever have. Mostly because I now have two sweet angel babies watching my every move, and I mean EVERY! I know the woman I want to be, but as I ask myself "Who am I?" I need to make sure I know "Why am I"?
I asked my almost Ex-Husband last night "When did I change into this hateful person?". After settling his confusion in my random question he answered and it told me all I needed to know. Yes, his actions somewhere about a year into our relationship had begun this monster I have become, but am I going to blame him and get no where, or take responsibility for my actions? Every day I hope to choose the latter, but the truth is that probably won't happen.
I'm hoping to stretch my mind and grow from this. Praying not to loose my faith. And begging God to help me heal. I miss being a happy person, I miss loving people, I miss being open but not brutal.
Who are you in your relationship? Has that always been you? Do you want that to always be? Change it now, or it will not change.

Ta-ta cyberland

To H2O Birth or Not

March 6, 2014 = estimated D-DAY!
and the question I keep asking myself is if I can really do this natural birth thing!

With baby #1 it went something like this:
Water started leaking while I was out shopping, just a little bit, so we went home and grabbed my hospital bag and I cleaned up the mess in my undies from the leakage. (FTM mistake!) First time mommas, don't clean yourself up, matter of fact the last few weeks wear a pad! This way if you have a leak that is minimal it can be detected!
We drove 30 minutes to the hospital on post only to be told I had no fluid in my hoo-ha, and not to clean-up next time I think my water breaks.
At this point, after waiting around in L&D for about 2 hours we head back home. It had started snowing. So it takes us about an hour to get home safely as the roads were starting to ice over. We lived at the top of a gigantic valley hill in Puyallup, Wa.We couldn't even get into our parking spot out our apartment complex due to the degree of the hill. So I waddle my way down an ice covered hill and up ice covered stairs with my nervous husband inches behind me.
We crawl into bed, get busy, pass out quickly.
7:05 am I wake up thinking I have to pee, I stand up and take two steps and notice pee is slowly dripping down my leg. I waddle into the bathroom, not wanting to have another unnescesary trip to the post hospital in this weather, and not wanting to wake my husband to worry him if it is nothing, I sit on the potty for a minute and here a constant drip long after I go pee. I put on a pad and pull my panties up and go to lay in bed and wait to see if my pad fills up, but as I am on my waddly way back to bed I notice a fresh blood spot on the carpet from my dripping. So I wake my husband up and we slowly and calmly pack up and head out thinking we will just be sent back for a false alarm again.
So we slip and slide up the now frozen over night hill and climb into the car to take an hour and a half slow venture to the post hospital.
They confirmed I was in labor (I wasn't feeling contractions, or at least not noticing what was happening as at this point I was a FTM.
My birthplan the whole pregnancy was for an epidural, and STAT! After all, who am I to think I could live through childbirth! Impossible!
So as soon as they offered I said yes, and I felt not a single thing but numb from that point on. I couldn't tell if or when I was pushing, they even told me to grunt and I made the most fake grunting noise possible. 9 hours at the hospital (with the help of pitocin to speed up labor) and my daughter entered the world, all the while God was throwing confetti (snow) all over the place to celebrate her birth, and I gradually started gaining feeling back in my bottom half.

THIS TIME!
I have decided I am strong, other women have done this, I do not want to feel so out of it for such a significant part of life. I want to be a part of my delivery this time, and know that I am pushing!
The plan is to be completely unmedicated, no pitocin, and to let labor progress at home as long as possible. The post we are at now has tubs for water labor and water birth, and I can't help but want to try it. The chances of tearing are lower, stress to the baby is typically a lot lower, and there is something that just seems easier about it. Not to mention you can't see my hoo haa bright as day if it is under water (at least I feel like it is a little bit more camoflauged).
I think I have a lot more confidence, mostly due to realizing I have a God who loves me. My marriage isn't brand new anymore. Being a mommy isn't brand new anymore. I feel like I am a little more prepared, but as soon as I start feeling that way it scares the heck out of me!
Have you ever watched a waterbirth video? YouTube it! All these women seem so calm, so serene but so in the moment and aware. I wonder if I can really do that, during such a big moment, can I really keep calm and trust in God to help me through?
I fear feeling like a failure because I chicken out and want an epidural. I fear I lose faith in myself and my God. This almost makes me want to go straight for an epidural like last time, but I know facing that needle in my back instead of facing my fears of self will only make me feel weak anyways.

So, prayerfully a waterbirth is in my future, and I can make it to the end without giving in.
Anyone who has delivered this way, or been a part of this type of delivery, please send words of wisdom and encouragement my way. I sure could use some the next month or so!

Big Sister

Emery Fate Speigel
My sweet, curly-haired, almost 3 year old only child.
I have not taken the time to think of the things that are about to change for my sweet angel. I have thought about it broadly, how she will have a friend to do things with, to share with. I hadn't thought about the small things, not in depth at least. I read a blog tonight that turned my world upside down. It is a blog about a second child, the day she was born, and the mom being... oh I don't know what word describes it best... scared, surprised, caught off guard once the sweet second child was laid on her chest. This mother mentioned how she spent the last few hours with her oldest daughter, and pointed out how she would not be an only child much longer. At this point, my heart ached for my sweet Emery, and I went and held her as she was sleeping and I wept. The things she is going to experience, the changes this means for her; I knew, but never really thought about how different it will be for her.
After holding my big girl for 15 minutes or so I came back to finish reading the blog. The second child/baby in the blog had down syndrome and it was not known until her birthday by anyone. The mom describes all the different emotions and how the next few days went for her and how she grew and found her bond with the baby that was not what she had expected. This made me think of a friend who had a baby at full-term born still-born. What will I do if these things happen to me? How will I handle them? Most mom's just expect a nice healthy 100% normal baby, but in reality not every baby is.
I know God cherishes children, and I know down syndrome is not the end of the world by any means. I know if I have a baby born sleeping I will learn from it. What I want to know is, what would my natural instinct be? Or maybe I don't want to know... My heart aches the way any mother's would.
My world has been shaken tonight. 1. My first sweet girl is about to have her world turned upside down and affected in who knows what ways. 2. You never know what could happen during or after delivery. It is in God's hands and I know he only gives these special babies to those who are very deserving of them, but I pray if I were to have such circumstances happen upon me that I would have the strength to be the mommy I need to be.
Thank you God for bringing this blog onto my path.

Update Nov 2013

So, it's been a while! A cross-country move, broken laptop, new Full-Time job and even MY SECOND PREGNANCY has kept me too busy to blog! Well, now that my computer is up and running (slowly but surely), I'm about in my third-trimester, and I quit my FT job to pick Mary Kay back up... this blog is back in business!  Who am I kidding, no one reads this thing, but maybe some day someone will. Who knows!

Well for an update, I am almost 25 weeks along with this pregnancy. Baby number 2 is a girl, which Baby number 1 seemed to know all along. She is due March 6  and we are betting she will be here early just like her big sister was. I'm planning on breast feeding this time, even when times get tough I don't want to give up! I may be having a natural labor, as long as God is by my side all things are possible, right?! Let's pray on that one!
We've made it to Fort Hood and gotten fairly cozy and adjusted to our life back in Texas. We enjoy seeing family more often than during our time in Washington. My husband has actually kept the same goal for about a year now and wants to become a Police Officer once this contract is up. So far we are thinking in or near Austin, Tx. Anyone have any input on either the area or the job related to that area?
I am missing some things about Washington, but it's not as bad as I was missing being "home". I've found that with how busy I have become I started drifting a bit from my Godly devotion, and that saddens me. Part of this has to do with not being able to find a church we all fill at home with quite yet. However, on Sunday I realized we live in a world with technology and I could at very least listen to sermons from a church that I miss dearly in Grand Prairie. Crosspoint Church of Christ. That place really makes my heart whole, even only being able to hear the lesson of the week helps a bit.
We are looking at becoming homeowners soon, possibly in about a year and a half. We are actually looking at Palm Harbor Homes. Say what you will, some people don't like them. I really don't care because I love everything I know about them so far! It is such a perfect way to go for young adults with a family, and I dream of moving into a home that only we have memories in!
As for Mary Kay, I am thinking big things, and have a goal in mind this time, a more realistic and plausible goal. I just have to learn how to tackle the area I live in and make it mine! If you know anyone wanting to become a consultant, in need of gifts for the holidays or wanting to earn up to $100 in free products by hosting a party (even virtual parties win free things) then let me know. I'm going to try and keep from using this solely as a way of business, but every once in a while there will be some info about Mary Kay, if you aren't interested then just disregard. A girl has to earn her money someway, and what better way to do that then partying and pampering women everywhere?

For now, I have some late night laundry to fold and probably some rocky road on the agenda as well.
Ta-Ta!

Not Your Average Middle School Crush

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Let me set the stage. It takes place at a school dance in a Intermediate/Middle school cafeteria. Tables pushed against walls and songs that should not be playing in a middle school echoing the room that at the time looked so huge to our 4'10 inch bodies. Random pre-teens scatered about in cliques and by their lonesome selves at the few cafeteria tables pushed against the walls. 

I am dancing my awkward white girl dance when I spot him, or maybe he spoted me. I really do not recall what happened anymore when it comes down to small details. When it comes down to it the basics are that eventually, before the night was over, a mutual friend introduced us and I fell in some serious puppy love. For some even number of months that I can't seem to remember exactly either, I was so wrapped around this football playing, shaggy hair having, shy but goofy personality of a cute CUTE boy. He was really great to me for us being so young. As I write this blog and realize how long it's been since I "forgot" about him, it's strange to think about how things changed and how I let society shape me. We had a relationship that in my mind now as a married woman trying to think back something like 9 years, very possibly could have led to a marriage.

I used to desire to spend every second with him. I remember our first date, however not our first kiss! My grandma (who raised me from age 11 to 18) sat a row behind us at a movie. I believe it was the first Lord of The Rings! How silly! I know his mom didn't approve of me, but she was always so accepting. I didn't see much of his dad. His adorable little sister, Payton, used to spy on us and try to hang out with us every chance she got! He was so annoyed back then, but God sent her in (or maybe it was just his Mom!) for a good reason.

I let peer pressure take hold of me. Caught in the hormones, worldly influence and lack of role model or religion in my life I ended up breaking up with him! I was upset because he wouldn't take it to the next step/level with me and I thought that meant he didn't "love" me. HOW RIDICULOUS is that!? 

I remember writing him a very long letter that summer and asking for him back. My heart was as crushed as a 13-year-olds heart could be when he didn't respond. All during high-school I hoped to end up in a class with him, and of course that never happened either. The few times that I did see him around at school (which was literally less than 10 times in my four high-school years) it brought all the pain and realization back to me. As I dated numerous guys on and off through-out high school I could have had such a great guy by my side. Of course there is no telling why we weren't meant to be, and I am content with that, but this blog topic definitely caught me off guard and made me remember so many silly things that happened while I was young.

I pray for the best for this man (Ryan S.) who is now probably doing great things with his life, and while I apologize for any hurt I might have caused his fragile pre-teen heart I know we are both better for it and are both where God intended us to end up individually. I hope he forgives my lack of self-respect as well as whatever rude things I am sure I had to say to him when really I was in the wrong.

I pray my daughter can run into a guy like that at a young age, only being raised by God-fearing parents I hope she makes more wise decisions than I did at that point. I pray she has a head on her shoulders and doesn't give into the peer pressure surrounding her, but instead gives in to putting God and his views and plans for marriage into her life.

God intended for us to wait for the right person, even if it isn't sex that we are talking about. Emotional investment, and all steps leading up to sex should happen over a LONG (think multiple years, sometimes 10 or 15 years!) period of time and serious commitment (MARRIAGE) to one another.

This blog topic makes me realize just how important it is to wait until marriage under GOD'S views to start being sexually active. Just because the world and your peers tell you it is okay, or it is the only way, that is not the case.Wait, make it be worth something. Your body is not other people's business, it is your temple for God to protect, let him do his job!

Satisfaction

John 6:35

Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst".

When asked to describe a moment in my life that I felt the most satisfied I actually stumble quite a bit. Once my grandma got ahold of me I was raised to be a perfectionist and I really feel like that could be considered a disease! It is very rare that things happen according to plan in REAL every-day life! Perfectionists are set up for failure in my opinion. 
The closest to being completely satisfied I believe I have felt is end of summer going into beginning of fall of 2009. I had just started dating my husband and had my first office job and just felt like life was perfect, other than the fact that my fiancee at the time was away at basic. I feel like God makes even the most perfect moments imperfect just to remind you that this is a real world and real perfection takes very hard work.

Zodiac: Cancer

Jeremiah 27:9

So do not listen to your prophets, your diviners, your dreamers, your fortune tellers, or your sorcerers, who are saying to you, "You shall not serve the king of Babylon".

I have never been one to believe in zodiac signs or symbols of any sort. While I do think they are fun and it is interesting when most qualities or characteristics match up, I know that they are nothing to count on. The only thing in this world to believe in as having a place to tell you how your life will be is through God Almighty. 

Easy as that. 

My Dirty Thirty

John 14:21

Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.

1. I am a firm believer in Jesus Christ and his Father.
2. I am a sinner.
3. I have been married for almost 3 years.
4. My husband and I have a 2 year old! (26 months!)
5. We are praying for God to bless us with a second child!!!
6. I am a stay at home mama!
7.  I became a Mary Kay Consultant on May 9, 2013!
8. I'm currently hoping to receive a MK Mustang by May 2014!
9. We have a Pit-bull and a Chihuahua.
10. I graduated highschool.
11. I completed one year of college at UT Arlington.
12. My husband is in the US Army.
13. We are from Texas and have be stationed in Washington (state) for 3 years.
14. Next month we are going back to Texas! (He is getting stationed at Fort Hood!
15. I love all things musical!
16. I have high anxiety levels. (I do NOT keep calm!)
17. I love to read but don't have much time for it.
18. I love working out! (once I get half way through my workout).
19. I am terrible at eating healthy.
20. I play COD in my down time.
21. I believe a walk through the park can fix any mood.
22. I am independent.
23. Since having children I have become lazy when it comes to my appearance, and I hope to change that!
24. My husband and I host a group through our church called Marriage On The Rock, based off of biblical principals of marriage.
25.  I rarely drink, the main time I drink is to flatter my husband, as he likes it when I cut loose. (haha!)
26. God saved my marriage.
27.  I had my first car accident (as an adult) at the age of 16.
28. I spun off of the road during my most recent road trip during an ice storm in the middle of Wyoming in a high wind zone. It scared me to death.
29. I am not crafty, but have crafty ideas.
30. I. love. to. two. step.

Religion

John 13:34-35

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

My take on religion is this exact Bible verse. Love is all that matters! I am christian, and I am God-fearing. The thing that I love about following God is that His Word tells us over and over to love others. God loved others, sinful nature and all, so much that he sent his one and only son to die for all of those who had sinned, and all of those to sin in the future. Jesus was constantly trying to help sinners see the way to a happy ending, he hurt for them; he loved them. Just because someone does not follow the same beliefs as me, my religion still tells me to love them, to forgive them of their trespasses. For that, I am grateful. A world without forgiveness would be a very harsh place, considering we are ALL imperfect.

Drugs and Alcohol

1 Corinthians 6:9-10

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

 

When it comes to alcohol, I am not a fan. It rarely comes without side-effects and usually leads to bad choices. Once or twice a month I do drink a Mikes Hard or two, usually at home and just with my husband, because he uses it to let loose and misses our old crazy days where I would drink too. After becoming a mom drinking became no fun, and it is obvious why. Early mornings mixed with late nights make for a grouchy family all around, through in something that makes you disoriented and there are too many openings for good intentions to go bad.

Although I am not a fan of alcohol I do not mind if it is something you are into! Mind you, I will part myself from irresponsible use of alcohol because I refuse to take part in the craziness that easily accompanies it.

 

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

 

Drugs are a definite "no-go" for me. Even when it comes to prescriptions I remain weary. I just feel like God intended for us to live a clean life and many humans have "addictive personalities" which can carry us too far from our original intention and use of the drug in the first place.

Again, I do not mind what you do with your time, but I will part from any situation that is not controlled, and chances are I will feel very uncomfortable in any situation involving non-prescribed drugs.   

Ten Years From Now

Colossians 1:9-10

And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.

Well, when asked where I want to be 10 years from now I don't have one specific answer. Only the Lord God Almighty knows where I'll end up and what would be best for me. The only way I could answer this is to LIST IT! My current goals, hopes and desires for ten years from now are as follows, but in no specific order.

 Grow Spritually

Be an amazing wife

Keep my toddler healthy & happy

Become a mother to another mini-me

Keep my house a home

Read every word of my Bible

Finally finish my very first knitting project

 Start a business of some sort/become self-employed

Go on a mission trip

Visit another country (vacation)

Renew my vows/ Finally have our wedding reception with family and friends

Write & publish a children's book

Start a charitable organization

Forgive always, laugh often and love strong

I Am Married

Genesis 2:22-24

Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.  The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man."  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

 

August 27, 2009 I made the best choice I might have made in my life, second only to accepting God as my Heavenly Father and Creator. At the time I was 19 living with my current best friend. She and I worked at a restaurant and were fairly active in our social lives, going out or hanging out with another friend or two practically every night. As she and I got dressed for the night, I checked my facebook one last time. I noticed that my first high-school crush was online. I had added him the day before and really thought that never would there be a day he would even remember me. Well, long story short I stayed home from the party and messaged him back and forth until my fingers nearly fell off. We did not stop talking, texting, messaging or hanging out for the next month.

I have now been with my sweet-heart nearly four years. I have followed him throughout his military career from day one, dropping him off at his recruiter to go off to MEPS. We have been through a deployment, we have a two-year-old daughter and two puppies. He and I have been through a rugged beginning, including incidents that possibly only occurred because we hadn't known God's love for us just yet. We can both look back now and be thankful for the hard times.

The bible verse above is the basis of a series called Marriage On The Rock that my husband and I host a weekly group for out of our church. This book (also a dvd) teaches so many principles that many married people never realize. I highly recommend you look into this book, whether you are married or not! MOTR helps one to understand oneself as well as other people. It can definitely be used as a tool for any relationship, but it is based off of God's plan for marriage.

The main thing I have learned in our time together is to out God first, my husband second, my children third, and all the rest will follow.

Genesis 28:22

"...and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God's house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth".

Wowza, did I learn something yesterday or what?!

Let me fill you in on some things before I tell you the importance of this bible verse.

1. I've been job searching for about 3 months here in lovely Washington.

2. I've come close to numerous jobs.

3. I've been super hopeful in getting a job at a gym of any sort.

4. I've been waiting to hear back from L.A. Fitness for 3 weeks, when they had told me they needed someone A.S.A.P. at the time of my interview.

5. I have trust issues.

6. I'm still learning a lot about my faith.

7. My husband is currently our only household income, and I worry about making moves monetarily when he isn't sure about something.

8. I have a church back home that I miss dearly, and a church here that the husband and I are not too sure about.

9. I come to random conclusions that could have made just as much sense if I'd figured them out months ago.

10. God's timing is the only timing that matters.

Anyways, I was reading my bible yesterday (I'm trying to read beginning to end, as well as doing a "Bible in a Year" app on my iPhone). As I read I came across this and those three words hit me hard. "you give me", meaning God gives us all we have, it's only fair to give Him what He asks so that He doesn't take away all we expect when we don't always deserve it. 
I sent a picture of my highlighted (in two colors) and underlined three words to my husband. All of a sudden, as soon as I hit send, I had an idea! Neither of us are too sure about the church we are currently in but we know God wants us there right now, so it's been hard to give let alone a full 10% financially that God asks for. I asked my husband if he is ready to deal into God's hands starting this check and that if he wasn't comfortable with us tithing to our current church then we could send our tithes to our home church if that made him more comfortable. He agreed and said we need to just keep the faith. (P.s. I love what God is doing to us personality wise. We are learning so much and gaining faith every day!) 
So once I had the go ahead from the head of the house, I began re-budgeting. I put our tithes at the top of the list; above rent, groceries, all bills, "fun" money (non-existent most checks). LITERALLY the moment I got done budgeting and just left our money issues to God in my head, I got a cal from LA Fitness saying I had been hired. 
Three months of job searching, three weeks of hearing nothing from LA Fitness. All I did was do as my creator expects, I PUT HIM FIRST. Maybe to some of you this is just some coincidence, but whatever it is, it makes me want to keep doing as my heavenly Father wants me to do.
I'm just blown away.
Dare you: Tithe in your full 10% so that God can bless you the way he wants to!   

  

Church, Family and The Job Hunt

Procrastination

Well, I've done it again. On both of my blogs, I've not logged in months but feels like years. Adjusting to having a full family of three again is proving to be a task. Arranging time as best as I can and there is still not enough time in a day. If my kiddo doesn't need me then my husband does, and if he doesn't then the house does. If it's not one of the aforementioned, then it's our dog, grocery shopping, or a church function of some sort. E.X.H.A.U.S.T.E.D. I love it every day, but am definitely no expert at time management.

Lovebug and I have found a temporary church for our remaining time here in Washington. We attend Capital Christian Center. We've signed up and are about to send in for our certification for a program called Prepare & Enrich so that we can be marriage mentors to our first Small Group focused on Marriage On The Rock by Jimmy Evans. Prepare & Enrich is a program designed to help couples prevent and deter common issues that often lead to divorce that are avoidable when you take the time to prepare for a marriage based on more than just love. Once we get our certification back, Lovebug and I would be happy to try out being your facilitator and help you learn how to better your relationship!

https://www.prepare-enrich.com/webapp/pe/overview/template/DisplaySecureContent.vm;pc=1362446557769;jsessionid=244AE626F7BE9D83750C0111F0AC0C45?id=pe*prepare_enrich*introduction.html&emb_org_id=0&emb_sch_id=0&emb_lng_code=ENGLISH

http://www.marriagetoday.com/

Our church has twenty-five couples who attended certification classes for this program to help marriages within the church, and around our community. I am elated each time that it is announced at church or spoken of within ear shot of me! Sign-ups began this weekend and we have already got two couples in our group which is astounding to me since we are not well known within this church yet. One of the couples IS my husbands friend/co-worker as well as our roommate and his newlywed wife. The fact that we have the chance to change things for people here is enormous. Families, marriages, children and communities will be forever changed through this beginning. I encourage everyone (single, married, divorced, old, young etc. to read Marriage On The Rock even if you cannot get into a small group devoted to this book. I plan on keeping everyone updated on this process.

I'm thinking about getting these for everyone in my group, not sure just yet.

 

My little family has been consumed by church here lately, and I just love it! We are learning and growing so much, I am just humbled by what we were not noticing before accepting Christ as our Savior! Our God is good, so good.

My mini-me turned two at the end of February and has made great advancements in speaking sentences and showing us her interests. Right now she is into Cars, Dora & Diego, Princess', Care Bears and baking! She gets the beat of the ABC's and even gets some of the letters right! When she first began "counting" she would say 2, 9, 2, 9, 2, 9!  Next it was all of her even numbers when we would help her count aloud, but for it has changed to 4,7,8! Today she got her first official hair trim and her curls are more bouncy than ever. She has even been riding a bike! She melts my heart.

(Now mommy wants a bike like this one!)

 

My husband did own a truck for the past month, but it was quite the beater. a '76 Chevy Cheyenne to be exact. It had a "mexican rebuild" for a motor that ended up blowing out on him a few days ago. While we had two cars in the family it was very nice! I started my job search and have been on quite a few interviews and now am not sure what this means for me quite yet, but I have not given up hope that I can enter the working world again.

We're trying to decide on quite a few things about our PCS to Fort Hood. We will be there by the end of July and I cannot wait to make it there! Being two hours away from familiarity and his family will be amazing! Hopefully he can fall in love with his unit so he doesn't find bad days running him over as often as what we have experienced so far. We shall see.

Maybe I should get this thing!

 

I really want to get back into school. We both think this marriage mentor thing is awesome. We've also found out we've both spoken with friends separately about being counselors of some sort. Assuming this is our forte, I'll eventually be going to school to get my degree after a long awaited approval from the man upstairs on my career path and dreams. Thank you God for the affirmation and determination! First thing is first, I have a loan to pay off from school before!

Well, here is a little of what has gone on lately:) Enjoy!

 

A Long Time Gone...

Ello Love!

I've been gone for a while, with reasonable cause. However, since I don't have to explain myself to this cyber world, I'll give you just the important points.

My husband has returned home from deployment!

What a glorious feeling. I have him home and in my arms. There are not many feelings that top this past few days that he has been home. Our relationship has developed over his deployment and we are off to an amazing start. Our daughter is so joyous at having her "My Daddy" home to love on. The first day she had him home she didn't want a thing to do with Mama, and wanted to hold Daddy's hand 99% of the time. She also said "I lah you dada" after everything she said. Oh, I'm in pure bliss having him back in good ole' 'Merica with us.

Our relationship was rather rocky when he left, and thanks to us both finding God over the time we were apart, our world is completely different now, and in what a great way! We have shared more, laughed harder, smiled bigger, loved stronger and tried harder this past week than I think we ever have. The Lord is so wonderful; I just LOVE MY GOD!

We are still in the process in finding a new church, as during the time I've been MIA from Blogger, I have returned to Washington state which is where my husband is stationed. I've been here about 3 weeks now. We are praying for guidance in finding the right church for us while here, as we have many needs in a church right now at this vital point of learning and experiencing Christ around us daily.

In an attempt to help better our marriage, and our family, my husband and I have deleted our Facebook's. For a couple young 20's away from most of their friends, this becomes an interesting task at times. It's strange how addicting the internet is. It pulls away from relationships and families. Instead of reading a book we become engulfed in other peoples non-sense business. Ideally my next task would be to say bye-bye to internet as a whole, but it really is a valuable resource as you can find so much information on the inter-web. Also, in this century, there are many things you simply cannot do without the internet. From there, ideally, TV would disappear as well. Right now, deleting Facebook has been shell-shocking in itself. Baby-steps.

 Other Changes

For my move I hired movers to bring our furniture from Texas to Washington... and we have yet to receive our furniture. It was supposed to arrive at the latest a week ago, and they finally e-mailed me two days ago. This was only after I filed a complaint with the BBB and had my husband begin calling to attempt speaking with them. I would not be nearly as upset with them as I am had they answered or returned my calls over the past three weeks. If they would have just informed me of the status of our furniture even just once within the time limit we discussed when they picked up my furniture. I am very livid over this situation and pray God helps me deal with this properly. 

I am in search of work. I had found a very reliable job before my husband returned home, but was unable to accept it because the hours conflicted with me having a family. I think that was a test from upstairs to see if I put my family or myself first. I am simply aching to get out and work again. I miss making friends and helping others, as well as being able to help my family prosper. I've even applied at fast food chains, I really just want to work! This might have something to do with having so little in our home right now since our furniture has not arrived, as well as many of our boxes. All of our crafts and what not are in those boxes, leaving my toddler and I to use a LOT of imagination lately.

Recently I did a cleanse from GNC, and it was awesome. Definitely felt myself go through the detox, but it was a good cleanse. Drink some stuff twice a day for two days, had a very vitamin taste, but I plugged my nose & chugged so I only had to deal with a little after taste. Once a day for 7 days you take 4 different pills. I'd definitely recommend a cleanse for anyone who has begun a New Year's resolution.

Mine was geared toward women, helped with bloating & kidney function. Much like the cleanse below.


Get your hiney's in the gym. Love your spouse. Do something fun with your children. Make this a great year, for you and all!!!

Tata,
Smiling Fool

It's been a while

A month or so to be "exact"
I've spent the past month digging deeper. Indulging a bit more in God's word, in my fitness, in planning for the near future etc. I apologize, although it seems as if there is no one keeping up with this, if anyone has missed me. Que: quirky sarcastic laugh.
Some new things going on for me:
I started a prayer journal!
I was "pinning" like a fool & came across probably the most valuable thing one could ever pin. I don't know why it took seeing it on a website for me to take interest and why I didn't think of it myself. A prayer journal is kind of like your diary you used to write in when you were like 12 and had entirely too many thoughts to just think them. So you wrote things down like "he is SO cute!" & "man she was a butt-head today!"... or at least I did. The obvious difference is this is written in prayer form, and in my opinion is better for the soul. Writing has always opened me up to think more deeply about my life, the big and the small things that have happened and will happen. I love writing to God! 
Once my little baby bear is forming her sentences better, I hope to help her have a "prayer time" each day. This way she can tell me what she wants to pray about, I can write it down for her & we can look back years from now and see how awesome God has been to her, as I know he will be.

I challenge you to start a prayer journal too!

You don't have to write in it every day, just when you get a chance. Soon, if you're like me, you will desire to have time to write to God. 

*I suggest you have your bible handy so you can refer to verses to guide you.*

I drink 6+ cups of water a day.

Duh, its healthy! Calorie free, and sometimes a drop or two of Mio MiO Variety Pack - 3 pk - 1.62 oz. bottles - Powders & Mixers (Google Affiliate Ad) & it's not only refreshing, but indeed is delicious. Drinking plenty of water helps every part of your body function properly, improves digestion & helps you lose the extra sodium & water weight! Mio simply makes it yummy for those who don't find water appealing. (CALORIE FREE!)

I take my daily vitamin.

This one is actually new, as in a few days. I read a week or so ago that taking a vitamin gave a woman vivid memory of her dreams. I wanted to see if it is true, and sure enough each night since I started taking them again (I'm very on and off about this type of stuff) I've been able to recall my dream. This, in my opinion, means that my brain is working differently, hopefully better, when I do take my vitamin. I take One A Day Women's Multi-Vitamin currently. Usually I find vitamins repulsive, but this hasn't been bad yet. I plan on trying these once I run out: Alive(R) Multi-Vitamin - 180 Tablets (Google Affiliate Ad).

I started OxyElite Pro again.

BEST "weight-loss" pill EVER! This is my second cycle. My first "cycle" I only completed about 3/4 of the way because the results I saw were phenomenal, in my mind at least. In almost 2 months I was down 15 lbs thanks to OEP & eating better as well as working out 60 minutes a day. I recommend this to anyone who doesn't mind 100mg of Caffeine here & there, as that is the only ingredient that isn't natural within it. 

My husband re-enlisted in the Army for another 4 years.

This was totally not in the plan, in the least bit. It was a sure thing that he was getting out. God had different plans for us though. This means soon I'll be packing up my bags & heading back up to Washington for a little while, then off to Fort Hood we go. I am beyond relieved we get to come back to Texas. My husband is a mama's boy, whether he wants to admit it or not. I am kind of excited to see what else God has in store for us. Deployment ends soon & that's what I'm most excited about!

Well, I'm going to attempt to get on here more often, but I have made some changes that are time consuming, and so we shall see what God brings me to find time for.

God Bless!

All-Around Health Nut In Training

Time for a rant

I just need to ramble here for a while because life is throwing a lot at me and I keep praying and I haven't found comfort in praying about it yet, and I just need to get it all out there, even if you don't know who or what I am talking about!
I have been in need of people to be there for me and I've gotten shot down time after time. I'm dealing with deployment, working full-time, taking online classes, and caring for my 18 month old daughter. Any time I have a day where I just don't feel up to par, it seems like that's when I get the most people turning me away, even my best friend, time after time.
I'm not really one to discuss what is wrong unless it is a major complaint because I like to be strong and not sound like a whimp complaining about every last thing, but sometimes I just want to fall apart, and I find myself standing alone each time this happens since deployment started.
I feel like I give so much of myself, and I pray that I do help others, but I feel as if I am standing alone at all times. I'm tired of being around the drama I thought my "friends" had grown out of, that didn't take place when it came to me. Heaven forbid I need a few encouraging words here and there though.
Perhaps I am just missing my husband considering my everything has been him and my daughter for the year previous to deployment. Perhaps I just am not the same person, and no one wants to accept the changes I have made.
I just find it strange even my best friend of teens of years pushes me away now. The person I used to be able to call about anything now seems like the last person I would want to speak to. Bad news, we're room mates. I'd hate to think it but it is possible this is why I feel this way.
It all boils down to communication. No one seems to agree with my upfront way of life now, they prefer the timid me who sat back and didn't say anything if I didn't agree, or if I felt walked on. I don't think God intended me to be walked on my whole life, to help people yes, but not to get shoved over constantly.
Suggestions? Someone send me some advice, maybe a bible verse?
Thanks for reading,
Confused & Feeling Alone (haha at the Emo-feel)
P.S. I apologize for being so touchy currently.

Thankful for Larry Keirn

In memory of Pastor Larry Keirn
I came to CrossPoint church of Christ only 3 weeks ago and was captivated right away. After spending a month in search of the perfect church for my family, I walked into CrossPoint and was welcomed by Larry Keirn opening the door for me and my daughter. He noticed I was a new face and introduced himself and welcomed me whole-heartedly. After the service, where he preached about everyday chatter and how God wants us to know how to differ chatter from what in life is important, he remembered my name and my daughters. He was glad to hear I would be back and felt so at home.
The following Sunday I did not make it into church as I planned on visiting family. I thought the whole day about what kind of service I had missed out on and what the message was. I am beyond upset that I did not attend Sunday service last week. As I walked up to the church yesterday, I was not greeted by Larry as I was the first time I had attended, instead I was greeted by an unfamiliar face, a face that had so much behind it, wanting to say something but not sure how much I knew just yet. I instead got a slight smile and a nod. I found it a bit strange. As I dropped my daughter off at her Sunday school if you will, I was informed that Larry had passed away on Saturday.
I regret not making it to church the week before as I would give anything to let him know how welcome he made me feel as a new believer. I would have loved to tell him how even just the one sermon I had heard from him has helped me, and how perfectly his sermon fit in with what was going on in my life at that time. I can now show how thankful I am to God instead of telling Larry Keirn, how profound an influence he had on me. 
Because of this man, I have found my place of worship, the place that will help shape me for a long time to come. Thank you a thousand times Pastor Larry Keirn. I am sad to not have the chance to have learned more from you, but I will follow God's plan for me in your honor.
Sincerely,
JS

I've Got the Blues

This ain't your Mac n' Cheese Blues
 It's the my husband & baby-daddy's deployed and I'm left to fend for myself blues.
Watching my baby girl miss her daddy hurts my heart. Watching my mother-in-law attempt strength talking about her baby boy being gone hurts my heart. Seeing him on the other side of the world via skype hurts my heart.
To give you a little preface about my marriage, we've been married about a year and a half, been together 3 years next month. Out relationship began a month before his basic training, although we knew each other 4 years before we became "us". A while into it we tried for a baby for a few months and right as we decided to stop trying, we found out we were pregnant. Now we have a 17 mo. old and all the stress of the beginning of marriage along with military stresses. Needless to say, life has been crazy for us.
Last month, we both came to individual decisions about our religious beliefs. Oddly enough, both practically at the same time and for the same reasons for the most part. Since then our relationship has done a 180 and we both feel that things are turning around. God is helping us. I'm not going to doubt God, but if you do then I encourage you to watch my relationship blossom, because I can promise you that is God's work at its finest.
I'm so anxious to have my husband home. I miss all the obvious things, the physical aspects, but so much more than the physical is the mental. The connection we had when we got together, it's blossoming again and my heart is overwhelmed with comfort when I think about the beginning of next year when he is back in the states.
I miss the freckles on his ear & the way he used to hold my hand in the car.
I miss silly pictures with him & taking naps on the couch in his arms.
I miss my daughter getting excited about daddy coming home & I miss his morning kisses.
Deployment, please end pronto.
Sincerely,
Lovebug's Lovebug