When all else fails...

blog.
What a lonely world we live in, right? With all the advances of technology, it's easier to get online and vent when you are having an issue than it is to go to someone and ask them to go out of their comfort zone, put whichever device they are addicted to down for a minute and just let you cry, yell, vent, be held etc.
So, here I have found myself, all night long, processing the information that my ex husband has moved on, and not only this but to say the very least this has been a long time coming, like the whole last year of our marriage (not counting since I have known of him wanting the divorce). AND not only that either, she and her infant son are living with him. All of that is just icing on the damn cake to be quite honest. I won't divulge the other 12 things on my mind out of respect for him. Can you believe that, I'm still worried about having respect for him. Hmm, that is kind of hard for me to process at the moment honestly.
I have never just lost my temper with him, I have always tried to understand his way of thinking first and I can usually see from most points of view, however the past month I have found myself on 3 different occasions just wanting to lose my voice in a fit of rage screaming at him. Of course this won't happen because it is me we are talking about.
So while they are over there playing happy family (I presume of course) here I sit. Raising these two sweet girls, going back to school full-time, living now with my ex-husbands mother (who is literally the best woman on the planet, no sarcasm on that either) so that my babies have someone around who truely loves them as often as humanely possible in my situation. Not only for that reason, but also so he would know I'm not out acting crazy and partying and hanging out with random men etc. Again, respecting him, what the hell am I thinking, right?
I had so many signs to leave. I really did. Knowing that, I still don't think I would have because I really wanted to show him he should love himself by how much I loved him. Some people just won't understand that way I guess. Maybe God will bless him another way and he will realize. Who knows.

Until then, when all else fails I will probably blog.