When I was Three or Four

Matthew 18: 2-6

He called a little child and had him stand among them.  And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.  But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

My mom was dating a guy who later became her husband (only by law, not by actual marriage). We would stay at his house every once in a while. He had a huge Lion Fish that he just loved! Of course he loved it, it was EXPENSIVE! Well one morning no one was up with me and I thought that the fish looked so hungry so I got a block of Colby-Jack cheese out of the refrigerator. I love Colby-Jack! Why wouldn't a fish love it too?! Well obviously a fish doesn't need cheese, and definitely not a whole block of it at that.

At this point in time my mom and her at the time boyfriend were still good people, even to this day I feel like they had the best intentions with me at that point. He didn't get mad at me, I'm not sure if he was just trying to impress my mom or what, but he won my heart then.

As life went on and they had my brother. They got deep in drugs and my mom started stripping and it was just all down hill. The only man I'd ever called dad, who wasn't even my own dad, changed his fate in my life by bringing my family down a long-drawn out hurt-filled venture via addiction.

I recently forgave him, to the best of my abilities. He has turned his life around quite a bit, getting college degrees and getting healthy. I'm not close to him so I do not know for sure, but I am pretty sure he is drug-free now. 

Anyways, this is where that memory brought me. Yay for blogging ideas!

:/ 

A Day in My Shoes

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

• Make breakfast
• Read devotional
• Read Mary Kay Ash' Miracles Happen
• Get dressed
• Put my face on
• Bow Chicka Wow Wow
• Host Marriage On The Rock Group
• Set-up my first Mary Kay business partner!
• Ordered my "store"!
• Cleaned up after unruly toddler
• Went to Armed Forces Day on post
• Relaxing and doing small work tasks the rest of the night      

Genesis 28:22

"...and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God's house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth".

Wowza, did I learn something yesterday or what?!

Let me fill you in on some things before I tell you the importance of this bible verse.

1. I've been job searching for about 3 months here in lovely Washington.

2. I've come close to numerous jobs.

3. I've been super hopeful in getting a job at a gym of any sort.

4. I've been waiting to hear back from L.A. Fitness for 3 weeks, when they had told me they needed someone A.S.A.P. at the time of my interview.

5. I have trust issues.

6. I'm still learning a lot about my faith.

7. My husband is currently our only household income, and I worry about making moves monetarily when he isn't sure about something.

8. I have a church back home that I miss dearly, and a church here that the husband and I are not too sure about.

9. I come to random conclusions that could have made just as much sense if I'd figured them out months ago.

10. God's timing is the only timing that matters.

Anyways, I was reading my bible yesterday (I'm trying to read beginning to end, as well as doing a "Bible in a Year" app on my iPhone). As I read I came across this and those three words hit me hard. "you give me", meaning God gives us all we have, it's only fair to give Him what He asks so that He doesn't take away all we expect when we don't always deserve it. 
I sent a picture of my highlighted (in two colors) and underlined three words to my husband. All of a sudden, as soon as I hit send, I had an idea! Neither of us are too sure about the church we are currently in but we know God wants us there right now, so it's been hard to give let alone a full 10% financially that God asks for. I asked my husband if he is ready to deal into God's hands starting this check and that if he wasn't comfortable with us tithing to our current church then we could send our tithes to our home church if that made him more comfortable. He agreed and said we need to just keep the faith. (P.s. I love what God is doing to us personality wise. We are learning so much and gaining faith every day!) 
So once I had the go ahead from the head of the house, I began re-budgeting. I put our tithes at the top of the list; above rent, groceries, all bills, "fun" money (non-existent most checks). LITERALLY the moment I got done budgeting and just left our money issues to God in my head, I got a cal from LA Fitness saying I had been hired. 
Three months of job searching, three weeks of hearing nothing from LA Fitness. All I did was do as my creator expects, I PUT HIM FIRST. Maybe to some of you this is just some coincidence, but whatever it is, it makes me want to keep doing as my heavenly Father wants me to do.
I'm just blown away.
Dare you: Tithe in your full 10% so that God can bless you the way he wants to!   

  

Time for a rant

I just need to ramble here for a while because life is throwing a lot at me and I keep praying and I haven't found comfort in praying about it yet, and I just need to get it all out there, even if you don't know who or what I am talking about!
I have been in need of people to be there for me and I've gotten shot down time after time. I'm dealing with deployment, working full-time, taking online classes, and caring for my 18 month old daughter. Any time I have a day where I just don't feel up to par, it seems like that's when I get the most people turning me away, even my best friend, time after time.
I'm not really one to discuss what is wrong unless it is a major complaint because I like to be strong and not sound like a whimp complaining about every last thing, but sometimes I just want to fall apart, and I find myself standing alone each time this happens since deployment started.
I feel like I give so much of myself, and I pray that I do help others, but I feel as if I am standing alone at all times. I'm tired of being around the drama I thought my "friends" had grown out of, that didn't take place when it came to me. Heaven forbid I need a few encouraging words here and there though.
Perhaps I am just missing my husband considering my everything has been him and my daughter for the year previous to deployment. Perhaps I just am not the same person, and no one wants to accept the changes I have made.
I just find it strange even my best friend of teens of years pushes me away now. The person I used to be able to call about anything now seems like the last person I would want to speak to. Bad news, we're room mates. I'd hate to think it but it is possible this is why I feel this way.
It all boils down to communication. No one seems to agree with my upfront way of life now, they prefer the timid me who sat back and didn't say anything if I didn't agree, or if I felt walked on. I don't think God intended me to be walked on my whole life, to help people yes, but not to get shoved over constantly.
Suggestions? Someone send me some advice, maybe a bible verse?
Thanks for reading,
Confused & Feeling Alone (haha at the Emo-feel)
P.S. I apologize for being so touchy currently.