Thankful & Sad

Proverbs 10:7

The memory of the righteous is blessed, But the name of the wicked will rot.

Being a military wife, and mother to a child whom I had to hold close every night for 9 months by myself it is an amazing feeling to have my husband home in my arms, and with no physical disabilities at that! However, deployment and deaths and injuries of his brothers in arms are feelings beyond words. Although I am thankful, I know a few who have not been so lucky as to have their spouse, son, daughter, sibling etc.come back from war into their arms.

I told my husband yesterday that I am so thankful that I don't have to be hurting right now, because he had two close calls during his deployment that could have easily made me a widow had they been handled wrong. I am so thankful; however my heart hurts as I lack the words to comfort acquaintances and friends who lose their loved ones to war. There are women who have stayed here near our current duty station even though they lost their spouse over a year ago, simply because this is the last place they were together and they don't feel comfortable anywhere else. I can't imagine that pain, and I am so close to it. I can't imagine how civilian families can even begin to comprehend how the loss of a soldier affects someone.

We barbeque on memorial day weekend, and we get together to drink when the men and women who died for us can not enjoy such things because they are in heaven reaping the benefits of a life well served. All we can do is remember, and I don't mean remember for just a second, it's Memorial Day WEEKEND. 

Think about the soldier who died who had a child they had never yet met because their baby was born during deployment and they didn't receive leave time and died before they could make it home. That baby could be 2 now, or 5 10 16 20 etc. Just imagine, having a parent who died so honorably, yet you never met them. Let it sink in. 

Think about the fiance who planned her whole wedding over the months to year that her loved one was deployed, the one who may have never received the call or information through family line that her Husband-to-be was no longer a part of her life plan. Think of the decisions she had to make from there on. Think of the hurt she goes through if she chose to move on and is with someone else, or that she feels if she still can't get over him. Think of her at these BBQ's full of great times.

Think about the parents who were sick in the hospital during deployment, the ones who were helping raise their child's children by supporting the spouse left behind. Think about the siblings who had bad parental influence and looked up to their older brother/sister in every way, and now they don't have that. Think about the friends who hadn't seen their buddy in years because s/he got stationed thousands of miles away and were awaiting their dear friends arrival because s/he was getting out of the military after this deployment, the soldier who only had a month after deployment left in this lifestyle.

Think about the soldiers who do come back, and while on the outside they look "fine" they battle with PTSD and feel ashamed because they are supposed to be strong, but they hurt. Think about the friends/ siblings in arms that they have lost, they have noticed are hurting.

These are things that will never change for these people, and most of the time you can't see just how much they are hurt. The people they surround themselves with are affected because it is usually difficult to know what to say or how to say it to help the widows, mommys, daddys, siblings, friends who lost someone near and dear to them in such an honorable manner.

Remember our fallen soldiers this Memorial Day. Remember that every day is hard for many people around us due to the loss of a soldier. Many people are too proud to say it, but they hurt. Pray for the families and friends and Battle Buddies who may never have closure.

Remember to toast, pray, mention, honor, fallen soldiers in some way while you hang out with the people near and dear to you this weekend. Love them and hold them close.

It's been a while

A month or so to be "exact"
I've spent the past month digging deeper. Indulging a bit more in God's word, in my fitness, in planning for the near future etc. I apologize, although it seems as if there is no one keeping up with this, if anyone has missed me. Que: quirky sarcastic laugh.
Some new things going on for me:
I started a prayer journal!
I was "pinning" like a fool & came across probably the most valuable thing one could ever pin. I don't know why it took seeing it on a website for me to take interest and why I didn't think of it myself. A prayer journal is kind of like your diary you used to write in when you were like 12 and had entirely too many thoughts to just think them. So you wrote things down like "he is SO cute!" & "man she was a butt-head today!"... or at least I did. The obvious difference is this is written in prayer form, and in my opinion is better for the soul. Writing has always opened me up to think more deeply about my life, the big and the small things that have happened and will happen. I love writing to God! 
Once my little baby bear is forming her sentences better, I hope to help her have a "prayer time" each day. This way she can tell me what she wants to pray about, I can write it down for her & we can look back years from now and see how awesome God has been to her, as I know he will be.

I challenge you to start a prayer journal too!

You don't have to write in it every day, just when you get a chance. Soon, if you're like me, you will desire to have time to write to God. 

*I suggest you have your bible handy so you can refer to verses to guide you.*

I drink 6+ cups of water a day.

Duh, its healthy! Calorie free, and sometimes a drop or two of Mio MiO Variety Pack - 3 pk - 1.62 oz. bottles - Powders & Mixers (Google Affiliate Ad) & it's not only refreshing, but indeed is delicious. Drinking plenty of water helps every part of your body function properly, improves digestion & helps you lose the extra sodium & water weight! Mio simply makes it yummy for those who don't find water appealing. (CALORIE FREE!)

I take my daily vitamin.

This one is actually new, as in a few days. I read a week or so ago that taking a vitamin gave a woman vivid memory of her dreams. I wanted to see if it is true, and sure enough each night since I started taking them again (I'm very on and off about this type of stuff) I've been able to recall my dream. This, in my opinion, means that my brain is working differently, hopefully better, when I do take my vitamin. I take One A Day Women's Multi-Vitamin currently. Usually I find vitamins repulsive, but this hasn't been bad yet. I plan on trying these once I run out: Alive(R) Multi-Vitamin - 180 Tablets (Google Affiliate Ad).

I started OxyElite Pro again.

BEST "weight-loss" pill EVER! This is my second cycle. My first "cycle" I only completed about 3/4 of the way because the results I saw were phenomenal, in my mind at least. In almost 2 months I was down 15 lbs thanks to OEP & eating better as well as working out 60 minutes a day. I recommend this to anyone who doesn't mind 100mg of Caffeine here & there, as that is the only ingredient that isn't natural within it. 

My husband re-enlisted in the Army for another 4 years.

This was totally not in the plan, in the least bit. It was a sure thing that he was getting out. God had different plans for us though. This means soon I'll be packing up my bags & heading back up to Washington for a little while, then off to Fort Hood we go. I am beyond relieved we get to come back to Texas. My husband is a mama's boy, whether he wants to admit it or not. I am kind of excited to see what else God has in store for us. Deployment ends soon & that's what I'm most excited about!

Well, I'm going to attempt to get on here more often, but I have made some changes that are time consuming, and so we shall see what God brings me to find time for.

God Bless!

All-Around Health Nut In Training

Time for a rant

I just need to ramble here for a while because life is throwing a lot at me and I keep praying and I haven't found comfort in praying about it yet, and I just need to get it all out there, even if you don't know who or what I am talking about!
I have been in need of people to be there for me and I've gotten shot down time after time. I'm dealing with deployment, working full-time, taking online classes, and caring for my 18 month old daughter. Any time I have a day where I just don't feel up to par, it seems like that's when I get the most people turning me away, even my best friend, time after time.
I'm not really one to discuss what is wrong unless it is a major complaint because I like to be strong and not sound like a whimp complaining about every last thing, but sometimes I just want to fall apart, and I find myself standing alone each time this happens since deployment started.
I feel like I give so much of myself, and I pray that I do help others, but I feel as if I am standing alone at all times. I'm tired of being around the drama I thought my "friends" had grown out of, that didn't take place when it came to me. Heaven forbid I need a few encouraging words here and there though.
Perhaps I am just missing my husband considering my everything has been him and my daughter for the year previous to deployment. Perhaps I just am not the same person, and no one wants to accept the changes I have made.
I just find it strange even my best friend of teens of years pushes me away now. The person I used to be able to call about anything now seems like the last person I would want to speak to. Bad news, we're room mates. I'd hate to think it but it is possible this is why I feel this way.
It all boils down to communication. No one seems to agree with my upfront way of life now, they prefer the timid me who sat back and didn't say anything if I didn't agree, or if I felt walked on. I don't think God intended me to be walked on my whole life, to help people yes, but not to get shoved over constantly.
Suggestions? Someone send me some advice, maybe a bible verse?
Thanks for reading,
Confused & Feeling Alone (haha at the Emo-feel)
P.S. I apologize for being so touchy currently.

Half way there!

Deployment's almost over!
We're at our half-way mark folks! I am overly joyed, and going to pray even harder than before. I figured things would be easier than they have been; it isn't so much that life has been more difficult, as much as it is that it's just more stressful. For the majority of a year once this deployment is over I will still be living away from my husband though, and I am somewhat excited about this. I believe it will give lovebug & I a fresh start, a way to let us appreciate each other again.
I'm worried for the pain it could bring our daughter, however we came to the conclusion that it should be better for her to stay where we plan to be long-term vs. moving for a few months then coming back. Routine wise and for family reasons it just seems better for her. It was an easy decision to make when we made it, probably for selfish reasons on my part. Of course, things have changed since then and I feel I'm going to regret having made it, however the decision has been made & it is one we need to stick to. I would love to share pictures & details but this is anonymous for a reason so I suppose I don't want to ruin that aspect.

I plan to be on here more often starting soon, I had my top two wisdom teeth removed last Friday and am just now getting back "up to par". Get ready for some rowdy blogging! ;)

Sincerely,
Dying to hug & kiss him! 

I'm Getting Fat!

BOOST START!
After years of depression and eating my feelings mixed with a drop or two of laziness as well as being a first time mother and the first year of marriage to a military man, I gained quite a bit of fat and lost plenty of muscle tone. I didn't put on weight, but definitely carried it differently after giving birth.
In a matter of 3 months after gradual miniscule changes to my diet each day and being excited about the gym each night for an hour I managed to lose 25 pounds! I'm 5'6" and started out at 175 and made it down to 150. I was the smallest I have been my whole full-grown life! I started out my lifestyle change by taking OxyElitePro and I LOVED IT! A girlfriend of mine introduced me to it, and she herself lost something like 20 pounds by taking OEP. She didn't even work-out or eat properly and had those results. I say thats awesome! The cool thing about OEP is it is all natural, other than the added caffeine, which I believe is only 100mg.
Since my husbands deployment started and I have moved back home to Texas where there are more yummy fast food choices, now that I am working full time and have a 40+ minute commute each way and with my toddler at me feet 24/7 I've put about 6 pounds back on. I've been looking for something to get me started on the right path again and for some reason I feel like the fact that I took OEP made me think about doing things right each day so that I didn't waste that money or feel bad about using a pill to aid in weight-loss. I haven't had time to go out and get another round of OxyElitePro and at the time could not find where to get it online as www.amazon.com was out, so I recently ordered Oxy5001. I am not nearly as impressed with what I have read, but am going to give it a try and will keep you updated with my results.
Also, I came across a blog who had a link to this and I thought I'd see if anyone else might want to try it, as I ordered a sample for myself and will also keep you posted once I receive it and put it to some use.
Slim FX by Athletic X-treme
http://samples.athleticxtreme.com/?ref=Y3JJNJ7YW78E0813
I am going to get in search of some recipes to get me back on track and will be letting you know of anything tasty I come across!
Thanks for reading again,
I need a gym buddy!

I've Got the Blues

This ain't your Mac n' Cheese Blues
 It's the my husband & baby-daddy's deployed and I'm left to fend for myself blues.
Watching my baby girl miss her daddy hurts my heart. Watching my mother-in-law attempt strength talking about her baby boy being gone hurts my heart. Seeing him on the other side of the world via skype hurts my heart.
To give you a little preface about my marriage, we've been married about a year and a half, been together 3 years next month. Out relationship began a month before his basic training, although we knew each other 4 years before we became "us". A while into it we tried for a baby for a few months and right as we decided to stop trying, we found out we were pregnant. Now we have a 17 mo. old and all the stress of the beginning of marriage along with military stresses. Needless to say, life has been crazy for us.
Last month, we both came to individual decisions about our religious beliefs. Oddly enough, both practically at the same time and for the same reasons for the most part. Since then our relationship has done a 180 and we both feel that things are turning around. God is helping us. I'm not going to doubt God, but if you do then I encourage you to watch my relationship blossom, because I can promise you that is God's work at its finest.
I'm so anxious to have my husband home. I miss all the obvious things, the physical aspects, but so much more than the physical is the mental. The connection we had when we got together, it's blossoming again and my heart is overwhelmed with comfort when I think about the beginning of next year when he is back in the states.
I miss the freckles on his ear & the way he used to hold my hand in the car.
I miss silly pictures with him & taking naps on the couch in his arms.
I miss my daughter getting excited about daddy coming home & I miss his morning kisses.
Deployment, please end pronto.
Sincerely,
Lovebug's Lovebug

The Beginning of an "Era"

Its the little things...

Yes, the little things which have brought me time and time again to the thought of starting up a blog for the first time since I was something like 14 and Xanga was a cool place to hang out. I find that I keep plenty of thoughts to myself, and it's time to let the world hear them... per-say. 

Fascinating thoughts

I will probably end up blogging about more than I could list, but the major points in my life will most likely end up surrounded around:
Family (and the ups and downs involved with each branch of the tree)
I have a husband who is finishing up his military contract within the next two years, and my daughter and I are currently dealing with his one and only deployment. He & I have been through a few things more than most 22 year olds, married or not & I wouldn't change him for the world. We're coming up on 3 years spent together at the end of August. 
Our daughter is a 17 month old giant, the size of most 2.5 year olds we run into, due to her daddy being 6'4". 
I am not close to any of my family. By not close, I suppose I really mean I'm rather distant from them. I have means to contact them but prefer not to for many a different reason. I'm sure some of these reasons will appear in my blog accordingly. I DO have a friend of about 15 years whom I consider a sister. I'll just call her SD for short. She is currently my room mate and will be so until at least when my husband makes it back to my arms safely.
My in-laws; Let's call my husband lovebug just because it is embarrassing and he will be thrown by it. Well lovebug's parents are split, have been for quite a while. So, my mother-in-law's side is definitely closer to me than my father-in-law's, but I can't wait for the day where both sides can accept me and call me up for anything.
Books
I go on random sprees where I can't stop reading, then I have a dry spell for up to years at a time. We'll see what I read during this said blogging era of mine. Currently I am on book 2 of the Fifty Shades series. Book one seemed like it had a little too much hype, good book but no better than I would expect any romance novel to be (I'm usually not into romance novels). I don't have a usual book genre, or movie genre for that matter. I'm fairly well rounded.
Health & Wellness
I have lost 30lbs. within the past year; really it was within a matter of something like 3 months, but with deployment and moving and coping I can't say I've continued to lose, but I have maintained perfectly! I am still in a good workout habit but not up to par with where I was during my weight loss. I was also eating a more rounded diet until the deployment showed me my way back to my sweet tea and fast food. I will conquer these issues before deployment is up. AND I will be able to do a pull-up before then too, no help needed!
Children
I am a mommy and a nanny. I like to teach! I'm currently teaching the 3 year old sign language and her abc's as well as shapes colors and numbers. My daughter joins in when she can sit still for more than 5 minutes. I love doing crafts with them both and can't wait for the 3 month old to get up and moving!
Religion
VERY recently my husband and I both found ourselves at a pit-fall both as individuals and a couple as well as a family. We have turned to god through tough times, and you can ask anyone who knows us, it's beyond unexpected. However, I find myself more convinced each passing day and can't wait til I find the right church for my family so that I can engross myself in learning His word and finding the faith I have been looking for since adolescence.
School
I went to UTA for a year before overworking myself by having a part-time job a full-time job and being a full-time student. I lost my scholarship and gave up entirely too soon. I am currently enrolled in Meditec. It is an online school offering multiple choices. I have found myself at a stand still with my schoolwork since deployment began as well. Slowly but surely I am achieving minute amounts each day. I am about 7/8 of the way done with my first certificate and have two more following completion of the first. Once it is all said and done I will be certified in Medical Transcription, Billing & Coding.


Well I suppose this is enough about me for now. Let the blogging begin!
Ta-Ta my new found friends.
Sincerely,
HOW DO I WORK THIS THING!