Big Sister

Emery Fate Speigel
My sweet, curly-haired, almost 3 year old only child.
I have not taken the time to think of the things that are about to change for my sweet angel. I have thought about it broadly, how she will have a friend to do things with, to share with. I hadn't thought about the small things, not in depth at least. I read a blog tonight that turned my world upside down. It is a blog about a second child, the day she was born, and the mom being... oh I don't know what word describes it best... scared, surprised, caught off guard once the sweet second child was laid on her chest. This mother mentioned how she spent the last few hours with her oldest daughter, and pointed out how she would not be an only child much longer. At this point, my heart ached for my sweet Emery, and I went and held her as she was sleeping and I wept. The things she is going to experience, the changes this means for her; I knew, but never really thought about how different it will be for her.
After holding my big girl for 15 minutes or so I came back to finish reading the blog. The second child/baby in the blog had down syndrome and it was not known until her birthday by anyone. The mom describes all the different emotions and how the next few days went for her and how she grew and found her bond with the baby that was not what she had expected. This made me think of a friend who had a baby at full-term born still-born. What will I do if these things happen to me? How will I handle them? Most mom's just expect a nice healthy 100% normal baby, but in reality not every baby is.
I know God cherishes children, and I know down syndrome is not the end of the world by any means. I know if I have a baby born sleeping I will learn from it. What I want to know is, what would my natural instinct be? Or maybe I don't want to know... My heart aches the way any mother's would.
My world has been shaken tonight. 1. My first sweet girl is about to have her world turned upside down and affected in who knows what ways. 2. You never know what could happen during or after delivery. It is in God's hands and I know he only gives these special babies to those who are very deserving of them, but I pray if I were to have such circumstances happen upon me that I would have the strength to be the mommy I need to be.
Thank you God for bringing this blog onto my path.

Satisfaction

John 6:35

Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst".

When asked to describe a moment in my life that I felt the most satisfied I actually stumble quite a bit. Once my grandma got ahold of me I was raised to be a perfectionist and I really feel like that could be considered a disease! It is very rare that things happen according to plan in REAL every-day life! Perfectionists are set up for failure in my opinion. 
The closest to being completely satisfied I believe I have felt is end of summer going into beginning of fall of 2009. I had just started dating my husband and had my first office job and just felt like life was perfect, other than the fact that my fiancee at the time was away at basic. I feel like God makes even the most perfect moments imperfect just to remind you that this is a real world and real perfection takes very hard work.