To H2O Birth or Not

March 6, 2014 = estimated D-DAY!
and the question I keep asking myself is if I can really do this natural birth thing!

With baby #1 it went something like this:
Water started leaking while I was out shopping, just a little bit, so we went home and grabbed my hospital bag and I cleaned up the mess in my undies from the leakage. (FTM mistake!) First time mommas, don't clean yourself up, matter of fact the last few weeks wear a pad! This way if you have a leak that is minimal it can be detected!
We drove 30 minutes to the hospital on post only to be told I had no fluid in my hoo-ha, and not to clean-up next time I think my water breaks.
At this point, after waiting around in L&D for about 2 hours we head back home. It had started snowing. So it takes us about an hour to get home safely as the roads were starting to ice over. We lived at the top of a gigantic valley hill in Puyallup, Wa.We couldn't even get into our parking spot out our apartment complex due to the degree of the hill. So I waddle my way down an ice covered hill and up ice covered stairs with my nervous husband inches behind me.
We crawl into bed, get busy, pass out quickly.
7:05 am I wake up thinking I have to pee, I stand up and take two steps and notice pee is slowly dripping down my leg. I waddle into the bathroom, not wanting to have another unnescesary trip to the post hospital in this weather, and not wanting to wake my husband to worry him if it is nothing, I sit on the potty for a minute and here a constant drip long after I go pee. I put on a pad and pull my panties up and go to lay in bed and wait to see if my pad fills up, but as I am on my waddly way back to bed I notice a fresh blood spot on the carpet from my dripping. So I wake my husband up and we slowly and calmly pack up and head out thinking we will just be sent back for a false alarm again.
So we slip and slide up the now frozen over night hill and climb into the car to take an hour and a half slow venture to the post hospital.
They confirmed I was in labor (I wasn't feeling contractions, or at least not noticing what was happening as at this point I was a FTM.
My birthplan the whole pregnancy was for an epidural, and STAT! After all, who am I to think I could live through childbirth! Impossible!
So as soon as they offered I said yes, and I felt not a single thing but numb from that point on. I couldn't tell if or when I was pushing, they even told me to grunt and I made the most fake grunting noise possible. 9 hours at the hospital (with the help of pitocin to speed up labor) and my daughter entered the world, all the while God was throwing confetti (snow) all over the place to celebrate her birth, and I gradually started gaining feeling back in my bottom half.

THIS TIME!
I have decided I am strong, other women have done this, I do not want to feel so out of it for such a significant part of life. I want to be a part of my delivery this time, and know that I am pushing!
The plan is to be completely unmedicated, no pitocin, and to let labor progress at home as long as possible. The post we are at now has tubs for water labor and water birth, and I can't help but want to try it. The chances of tearing are lower, stress to the baby is typically a lot lower, and there is something that just seems easier about it. Not to mention you can't see my hoo haa bright as day if it is under water (at least I feel like it is a little bit more camoflauged).
I think I have a lot more confidence, mostly due to realizing I have a God who loves me. My marriage isn't brand new anymore. Being a mommy isn't brand new anymore. I feel like I am a little more prepared, but as soon as I start feeling that way it scares the heck out of me!
Have you ever watched a waterbirth video? YouTube it! All these women seem so calm, so serene but so in the moment and aware. I wonder if I can really do that, during such a big moment, can I really keep calm and trust in God to help me through?
I fear feeling like a failure because I chicken out and want an epidural. I fear I lose faith in myself and my God. This almost makes me want to go straight for an epidural like last time, but I know facing that needle in my back instead of facing my fears of self will only make me feel weak anyways.

So, prayerfully a waterbirth is in my future, and I can make it to the end without giving in.
Anyone who has delivered this way, or been a part of this type of delivery, please send words of wisdom and encouragement my way. I sure could use some the next month or so!

Big Sister

Emery Fate Speigel
My sweet, curly-haired, almost 3 year old only child.
I have not taken the time to think of the things that are about to change for my sweet angel. I have thought about it broadly, how she will have a friend to do things with, to share with. I hadn't thought about the small things, not in depth at least. I read a blog tonight that turned my world upside down. It is a blog about a second child, the day she was born, and the mom being... oh I don't know what word describes it best... scared, surprised, caught off guard once the sweet second child was laid on her chest. This mother mentioned how she spent the last few hours with her oldest daughter, and pointed out how she would not be an only child much longer. At this point, my heart ached for my sweet Emery, and I went and held her as she was sleeping and I wept. The things she is going to experience, the changes this means for her; I knew, but never really thought about how different it will be for her.
After holding my big girl for 15 minutes or so I came back to finish reading the blog. The second child/baby in the blog had down syndrome and it was not known until her birthday by anyone. The mom describes all the different emotions and how the next few days went for her and how she grew and found her bond with the baby that was not what she had expected. This made me think of a friend who had a baby at full-term born still-born. What will I do if these things happen to me? How will I handle them? Most mom's just expect a nice healthy 100% normal baby, but in reality not every baby is.
I know God cherishes children, and I know down syndrome is not the end of the world by any means. I know if I have a baby born sleeping I will learn from it. What I want to know is, what would my natural instinct be? Or maybe I don't want to know... My heart aches the way any mother's would.
My world has been shaken tonight. 1. My first sweet girl is about to have her world turned upside down and affected in who knows what ways. 2. You never know what could happen during or after delivery. It is in God's hands and I know he only gives these special babies to those who are very deserving of them, but I pray if I were to have such circumstances happen upon me that I would have the strength to be the mommy I need to be.
Thank you God for bringing this blog onto my path.

Religion

John 13:34-35

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

My take on religion is this exact Bible verse. Love is all that matters! I am christian, and I am God-fearing. The thing that I love about following God is that His Word tells us over and over to love others. God loved others, sinful nature and all, so much that he sent his one and only son to die for all of those who had sinned, and all of those to sin in the future. Jesus was constantly trying to help sinners see the way to a happy ending, he hurt for them; he loved them. Just because someone does not follow the same beliefs as me, my religion still tells me to love them, to forgive them of their trespasses. For that, I am grateful. A world without forgiveness would be a very harsh place, considering we are ALL imperfect.

Thankful for Larry Keirn

In memory of Pastor Larry Keirn
I came to CrossPoint church of Christ only 3 weeks ago and was captivated right away. After spending a month in search of the perfect church for my family, I walked into CrossPoint and was welcomed by Larry Keirn opening the door for me and my daughter. He noticed I was a new face and introduced himself and welcomed me whole-heartedly. After the service, where he preached about everyday chatter and how God wants us to know how to differ chatter from what in life is important, he remembered my name and my daughters. He was glad to hear I would be back and felt so at home.
The following Sunday I did not make it into church as I planned on visiting family. I thought the whole day about what kind of service I had missed out on and what the message was. I am beyond upset that I did not attend Sunday service last week. As I walked up to the church yesterday, I was not greeted by Larry as I was the first time I had attended, instead I was greeted by an unfamiliar face, a face that had so much behind it, wanting to say something but not sure how much I knew just yet. I instead got a slight smile and a nod. I found it a bit strange. As I dropped my daughter off at her Sunday school if you will, I was informed that Larry had passed away on Saturday.
I regret not making it to church the week before as I would give anything to let him know how welcome he made me feel as a new believer. I would have loved to tell him how even just the one sermon I had heard from him has helped me, and how perfectly his sermon fit in with what was going on in my life at that time. I can now show how thankful I am to God instead of telling Larry Keirn, how profound an influence he had on me. 
Because of this man, I have found my place of worship, the place that will help shape me for a long time to come. Thank you a thousand times Pastor Larry Keirn. I am sad to not have the chance to have learned more from you, but I will follow God's plan for me in your honor.
Sincerely,
JS

Recent Reads

Fifty Shades Trilogy
E. L. James


I began Fifty Shades of Grey over 2 weeks ago and finished reading it just yesterday. I'd give the trilogy as a whole a 4 star rating, however each book has it's own rating within those 4 stars. I'll be seeing the movie out of curiosity.

Fifty Shades of Grey
While I would give it a 3 star rating this is not a book I would read again. I probably would not have read the rest of this trilogy had I not bought them as a set. Romance novels usually are not my cup of tea, but with all the hype I wanted to see what it was about. While the book did have a dirty scene or two and a dash of actual romance, I didn't find it entirely intriguing. I could argue that the only reason that the book kept my attention at all is because I am deprived due to a deployed husband, but it's not that important of a battle to fight.

Fifty Shades Darker
I am elated to have bought the trilogy after reading this book! It suits it's genre perfectly, as would any book written about the middle stages of a relationship. Learning about potential lovers is captivating and new which was captured well upon these pages. I give book two a 5 star rating as E. L. James comes off as a superb author here.

Fifty Shade Freed
Drama drama drama! With each page turn something was happening, and as I read I felt like it was just too much, which indeed life can be too much at the wrong time. It was still well written and I was impressed, but left with a whiplash-feeling from wondering where each event would lead. Book three receives a 4 star rating in my opinion.

Sexperiment
Ed & Lisa Young


I came across Sexperiment after my recent (only about a month ago) realization of God's existence. I was in search of my church and a friend pointed me to one nearby, so I checked out their webpage which had this book plastered to the screen, and to my eyes! It is a phenomenal book and has taught me a ton! I ordered one from amazon and sent it to my husband who should be receiving it in a few days. Ed & Lisa Young (Pastor & his wife) discuss how 7 days of love-making in and out of the bedroom can help any sexual relationship. Although they do point out quite a few references to God and how He intends for sex to be used between husband and wife, it can help couples of all sorts. I give this book 5 stars, and will be returning to it for guidance once my husband is home for many years to come!

Got the Life
Fieldy


I am beyond thankful for this book. My husband came across it about a month ago over in the foreign land we're fighting for. A previous soldier had left it behind. Fieldy is from Korn, a popular band with Rockers of all types. In it, he goes over his life story and his coming to find God. I think this pointed out to my husband a lot about life and growing up, but definitely so much about finding God and letting him lead you. Our life will be forever changed because of his run in with Got the Life. I would love to thank Fieldy one day because it helped my husband have faith. The book as a read for fun I wouldn't usually pick, but because it is helpful beyond words I give the book 5 stars.

That's the down-low on my recent reads.
Currently I am working on The Power of a Praying Wife.
I'll update you all with my findings once I'm done!