Trichotillomania

The compulsion to tear or pluck out the hair on one's head and face and often to ingest it.

I have struggled with this disease since middle school. I remember seeing my mother and my grandmother do these things as well, and we were all ashamed of it. Over the past year, since I realized there was a name for it, and it is a disease, I am not ashamed. This does not mean that I am proud, just that I accept it and can tell people about my problem.

I struggle less and less since I am aware and have realized my "triggers". Stress and Anxiety build up within me easily and lead to me pulling my eyelashes and eyebrows. It has been such an embarrassing struggle and I never understood exactly why I did it. I refuse to be a "puller" any longer! I have a daughter and do not want the chain to continue to her.

Since realizing what I was doing, and figuring out my triggers I found the only things that help me not to pull are praying, which sadly does not always work, and making others aware of the situation so that I know people are watching and they know that I am vulnerable. This keeps me on my toes and makes me not want to give others the chance to judge me.

Telling people is very hard, and humbling. I sometimes find it hard to believe that others will understand and believe that I have been through the life that I have. Sometimes I feel like I am complaining about nothing because I know there are people that have had it worse. My childhood was extremely hard and I will keep it at that for the blogging world, but between those stressors and seeing my mother and grandmother "pull" when they got stressed it led to my Trichotillomania.

Be aware. Accept. Inform.

Those are the only steps that I can say begin a working process on healing yourself.

 Order lash and brow building serum from my Mary Kay website and receive 40% off of this item every time.

www.marykay.com/jspeigel 

Fathers Day is coming up!

 Father's Day June 16, 2013

Get prepared now!!!

Although I don't have a Daddy to buy for this Father's Day, I do have a spouse who LOVES Domain by MK! Mary Kay has a line called MK Men that carries all his skin-care needs as well as 5 different colognes. Mary Kay carries different trial/travel packs so the Daddy of your choice can figure out exactly what he likes best. Stop by my website today and order for Fathers Day 2013.

 

Grab something for yourself or a graduate while you are at it! If you purchase any shade of True Dimensions Lipstick, Lip Liner and a Lip Gloss you get a Gold Lip Clutch with a FREE Lip Gloss!!! (Offer only available while supplies lasts!)

If you're someone looking to work from home, Mary Kay has a great opportunity to offer you! I love this company and I've only been in since May 9, but already my dreams are seriously coming true, with hard work and dedication I'm moving up the ladder. It helps that I love our products, but it isn't about selling the product, it's about the relationship and putting people first!

Ask me for more details on how you can be your own boss!

Visit my Mary Kay page!

When I was Three or Four

Matthew 18: 2-6

He called a little child and had him stand among them.  And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.  But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

My mom was dating a guy who later became her husband (only by law, not by actual marriage). We would stay at his house every once in a while. He had a huge Lion Fish that he just loved! Of course he loved it, it was EXPENSIVE! Well one morning no one was up with me and I thought that the fish looked so hungry so I got a block of Colby-Jack cheese out of the refrigerator. I love Colby-Jack! Why wouldn't a fish love it too?! Well obviously a fish doesn't need cheese, and definitely not a whole block of it at that.

At this point in time my mom and her at the time boyfriend were still good people, even to this day I feel like they had the best intentions with me at that point. He didn't get mad at me, I'm not sure if he was just trying to impress my mom or what, but he won my heart then.

As life went on and they had my brother. They got deep in drugs and my mom started stripping and it was just all down hill. The only man I'd ever called dad, who wasn't even my own dad, changed his fate in my life by bringing my family down a long-drawn out hurt-filled venture via addiction.

I recently forgave him, to the best of my abilities. He has turned his life around quite a bit, getting college degrees and getting healthy. I'm not close to him so I do not know for sure, but I am pretty sure he is drug-free now. 

Anyways, this is where that memory brought me. Yay for blogging ideas!

:/ 

Thankful & Sad

Proverbs 10:7

The memory of the righteous is blessed, But the name of the wicked will rot.

Being a military wife, and mother to a child whom I had to hold close every night for 9 months by myself it is an amazing feeling to have my husband home in my arms, and with no physical disabilities at that! However, deployment and deaths and injuries of his brothers in arms are feelings beyond words. Although I am thankful, I know a few who have not been so lucky as to have their spouse, son, daughter, sibling etc.come back from war into their arms.

I told my husband yesterday that I am so thankful that I don't have to be hurting right now, because he had two close calls during his deployment that could have easily made me a widow had they been handled wrong. I am so thankful; however my heart hurts as I lack the words to comfort acquaintances and friends who lose their loved ones to war. There are women who have stayed here near our current duty station even though they lost their spouse over a year ago, simply because this is the last place they were together and they don't feel comfortable anywhere else. I can't imagine that pain, and I am so close to it. I can't imagine how civilian families can even begin to comprehend how the loss of a soldier affects someone.

We barbeque on memorial day weekend, and we get together to drink when the men and women who died for us can not enjoy such things because they are in heaven reaping the benefits of a life well served. All we can do is remember, and I don't mean remember for just a second, it's Memorial Day WEEKEND. 

Think about the soldier who died who had a child they had never yet met because their baby was born during deployment and they didn't receive leave time and died before they could make it home. That baby could be 2 now, or 5 10 16 20 etc. Just imagine, having a parent who died so honorably, yet you never met them. Let it sink in. 

Think about the fiance who planned her whole wedding over the months to year that her loved one was deployed, the one who may have never received the call or information through family line that her Husband-to-be was no longer a part of her life plan. Think of the decisions she had to make from there on. Think of the hurt she goes through if she chose to move on and is with someone else, or that she feels if she still can't get over him. Think of her at these BBQ's full of great times.

Think about the parents who were sick in the hospital during deployment, the ones who were helping raise their child's children by supporting the spouse left behind. Think about the siblings who had bad parental influence and looked up to their older brother/sister in every way, and now they don't have that. Think about the friends who hadn't seen their buddy in years because s/he got stationed thousands of miles away and were awaiting their dear friends arrival because s/he was getting out of the military after this deployment, the soldier who only had a month after deployment left in this lifestyle.

Think about the soldiers who do come back, and while on the outside they look "fine" they battle with PTSD and feel ashamed because they are supposed to be strong, but they hurt. Think about the friends/ siblings in arms that they have lost, they have noticed are hurting.

These are things that will never change for these people, and most of the time you can't see just how much they are hurt. The people they surround themselves with are affected because it is usually difficult to know what to say or how to say it to help the widows, mommys, daddys, siblings, friends who lost someone near and dear to them in such an honorable manner.

Remember our fallen soldiers this Memorial Day. Remember that every day is hard for many people around us due to the loss of a soldier. Many people are too proud to say it, but they hurt. Pray for the families and friends and Battle Buddies who may never have closure.

Remember to toast, pray, mention, honor, fallen soldiers in some way while you hang out with the people near and dear to you this weekend. Love them and hold them close.

A Day in My Shoes

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

• Make breakfast
• Read devotional
• Read Mary Kay Ash' Miracles Happen
• Get dressed
• Put my face on
• Bow Chicka Wow Wow
• Host Marriage On The Rock Group
• Set-up my first Mary Kay business partner!
• Ordered my "store"!
• Cleaned up after unruly toddler
• Went to Armed Forces Day on post
• Relaxing and doing small work tasks the rest of the night      

My Musical Library

James 4:1

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 

Straightjacket Feeling
All American Rejects

If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away
Justin Moore

Come to Bed
Gretchen Wilson

Life on the Run
Dierks Bentley

My Paper Heart
All American Rejects

Dance Baby Dance
Chris Cagle

Muckalee Creek Water
Luke Bryan

I'll Grow My Own
Chris Cagle

Cupid's Got a Shotgun
Carrie Underwood

Rihanna
S&M    

Not Your Average Middle School Crush

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Let me set the stage. It takes place at a school dance in a Intermediate/Middle school cafeteria. Tables pushed against walls and songs that should not be playing in a middle school echoing the room that at the time looked so huge to our 4'10 inch bodies. Random pre-teens scatered about in cliques and by their lonesome selves at the few cafeteria tables pushed against the walls. 

I am dancing my awkward white girl dance when I spot him, or maybe he spoted me. I really do not recall what happened anymore when it comes down to small details. When it comes down to it the basics are that eventually, before the night was over, a mutual friend introduced us and I fell in some serious puppy love. For some even number of months that I can't seem to remember exactly either, I was so wrapped around this football playing, shaggy hair having, shy but goofy personality of a cute CUTE boy. He was really great to me for us being so young. As I write this blog and realize how long it's been since I "forgot" about him, it's strange to think about how things changed and how I let society shape me. We had a relationship that in my mind now as a married woman trying to think back something like 9 years, very possibly could have led to a marriage.

I used to desire to spend every second with him. I remember our first date, however not our first kiss! My grandma (who raised me from age 11 to 18) sat a row behind us at a movie. I believe it was the first Lord of The Rings! How silly! I know his mom didn't approve of me, but she was always so accepting. I didn't see much of his dad. His adorable little sister, Payton, used to spy on us and try to hang out with us every chance she got! He was so annoyed back then, but God sent her in (or maybe it was just his Mom!) for a good reason.

I let peer pressure take hold of me. Caught in the hormones, worldly influence and lack of role model or religion in my life I ended up breaking up with him! I was upset because he wouldn't take it to the next step/level with me and I thought that meant he didn't "love" me. HOW RIDICULOUS is that!? 

I remember writing him a very long letter that summer and asking for him back. My heart was as crushed as a 13-year-olds heart could be when he didn't respond. All during high-school I hoped to end up in a class with him, and of course that never happened either. The few times that I did see him around at school (which was literally less than 10 times in my four high-school years) it brought all the pain and realization back to me. As I dated numerous guys on and off through-out high school I could have had such a great guy by my side. Of course there is no telling why we weren't meant to be, and I am content with that, but this blog topic definitely caught me off guard and made me remember so many silly things that happened while I was young.

I pray for the best for this man (Ryan S.) who is now probably doing great things with his life, and while I apologize for any hurt I might have caused his fragile pre-teen heart I know we are both better for it and are both where God intended us to end up individually. I hope he forgives my lack of self-respect as well as whatever rude things I am sure I had to say to him when really I was in the wrong.

I pray my daughter can run into a guy like that at a young age, only being raised by God-fearing parents I hope she makes more wise decisions than I did at that point. I pray she has a head on her shoulders and doesn't give into the peer pressure surrounding her, but instead gives in to putting God and his views and plans for marriage into her life.

God intended for us to wait for the right person, even if it isn't sex that we are talking about. Emotional investment, and all steps leading up to sex should happen over a LONG (think multiple years, sometimes 10 or 15 years!) period of time and serious commitment (MARRIAGE) to one another.

This blog topic makes me realize just how important it is to wait until marriage under GOD'S views to start being sexually active. Just because the world and your peers tell you it is okay, or it is the only way, that is not the case.Wait, make it be worth something. Your body is not other people's business, it is your temple for God to protect, let him do his job!