I just need to ramble here for a while because life is throwing a lot at me and I keep praying and I haven't found comfort in praying about it yet, and I just need to get it all out there, even if you don't know who or what I am talking about!
I have been in need of people to be there for me and I've gotten shot down time after time. I'm dealing with deployment, working full-time, taking online classes, and caring for my 18 month old daughter. Any time I have a day where I just don't feel up to par, it seems like that's when I get the most people turning me away, even my best friend, time after time.
I'm not really one to discuss what is wrong unless it is a major complaint because I like to be strong and not sound like a whimp complaining about every last thing, but sometimes I just want to fall apart, and I find myself standing alone each time this happens since deployment started.
I feel like I give so much of myself, and I pray that I do help others, but I feel as if I am standing alone at all times. I'm tired of being around the drama I thought my "friends" had grown out of, that didn't take place when it came to me. Heaven forbid I need a few encouraging words here and there though.
Perhaps I am just missing my husband considering my everything has been him and my daughter for the year previous to deployment. Perhaps I just am not the same person, and no one wants to accept the changes I have made.
I just find it strange even my best friend of teens of years pushes me away now. The person I used to be able to call about anything now seems like the last person I would want to speak to. Bad news, we're room mates. I'd hate to think it but it is possible this is why I feel this way.
It all boils down to communication. No one seems to agree with my upfront way of life now, they prefer the timid me who sat back and didn't say anything if I didn't agree, or if I felt walked on. I don't think God intended me to be walked on my whole life, to help people yes, but not to get shoved over constantly.
Suggestions? Someone send me some advice, maybe a bible verse?
Thanks for reading,
Confused & Feeling Alone (haha at the Emo-feel)
P.S. I apologize for being so touchy currently.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
The Lord Works In Mysterious Ways...
I AM IN LOVE!
18 months (and 4 days) ago I gave birth to a 7 pound 4 ounce divine baby girl & she has turned my world upside down. Never has "I wuff MOMMY" been something I could have dreamed of being so glorious until I locked eyes with my, at the time, grey eyed wonder. I've been through the getting pooped, peed and mostly spit up on. I've seen her fall and made the trips to the doctor when she has been sick. I've learned the true meaning of being able to multi-task, that's for sure. I've also seen her smiles, heard her giggles and had her chase me around the house saying "tuck a tuck a" (her version of tickle tickle!). I've cleaned all kinds of food off the floor, out of her hair, in between cushions & the good Lord knows there have been Cheerios over every inch of my house at one point or another. Now I am tackling potty training, which surprisingly is going well compared to horror stories I have heard before. Over this past year and a half I have seen so much more to life. Most importantly I have found a new meaning.
Who would have thought that a baby could change the world (I'm laughing here, because look what Jesus did to the world!), but more so this baby changed my world. She gives me so much to live for, and more importantly to smile for. Children are purely amazing.
I already dread the day she moves out on her own, I dread the first time she says she hates me, and I cannot imagine the day I leave this physical earth, and more so my baby girl.
I know other mamas will read this, and maybe I'm touching enough that one will even catch a tear in their eye. However, I hope someone's sweet angel baby reads this and decides they need to just say hi to their mama because it's been too long, or maybe even visits when they haven't in forever. I hope I have the power to touch someone's life in the way that helps them connect with their Mama Bear better, or if not better than more frequently.
Kids, don't forget about your mama's. You mean the world to us, after all... you are the only ones who have heard our heart beat from the inside.
That's all folks,
Mama Bear S.
18 months (and 4 days) ago I gave birth to a 7 pound 4 ounce divine baby girl & she has turned my world upside down. Never has "I wuff MOMMY" been something I could have dreamed of being so glorious until I locked eyes with my, at the time, grey eyed wonder. I've been through the getting pooped, peed and mostly spit up on. I've seen her fall and made the trips to the doctor when she has been sick. I've learned the true meaning of being able to multi-task, that's for sure. I've also seen her smiles, heard her giggles and had her chase me around the house saying "tuck a tuck a" (her version of tickle tickle!). I've cleaned all kinds of food off the floor, out of her hair, in between cushions & the good Lord knows there have been Cheerios over every inch of my house at one point or another. Now I am tackling potty training, which surprisingly is going well compared to horror stories I have heard before. Over this past year and a half I have seen so much more to life. Most importantly I have found a new meaning.
Who would have thought that a baby could change the world (I'm laughing here, because look what Jesus did to the world!), but more so this baby changed my world. She gives me so much to live for, and more importantly to smile for. Children are purely amazing.
I already dread the day she moves out on her own, I dread the first time she says she hates me, and I cannot imagine the day I leave this physical earth, and more so my baby girl.
I know other mamas will read this, and maybe I'm touching enough that one will even catch a tear in their eye. However, I hope someone's sweet angel baby reads this and decides they need to just say hi to their mama because it's been too long, or maybe even visits when they haven't in forever. I hope I have the power to touch someone's life in the way that helps them connect with their Mama Bear better, or if not better than more frequently.
Kids, don't forget about your mama's. You mean the world to us, after all... you are the only ones who have heard our heart beat from the inside.
That's all folks,
Mama Bear S.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Half way there!
Deployment's almost over!
We're at our half-way mark folks! I am overly joyed, and going to pray even harder than before. I figured things would be easier than they have been; it isn't so much that life has been more difficult, as much as it is that it's just more stressful. For the majority of a year once this deployment is over I will still be living away from my husband though, and I am somewhat excited about this. I believe it will give lovebug & I a fresh start, a way to let us appreciate each other again.
I'm worried for the pain it could bring our daughter, however we came to the conclusion that it should be better for her to stay where we plan to be long-term vs. moving for a few months then coming back. Routine wise and for family reasons it just seems better for her. It was an easy decision to make when we made it, probably for selfish reasons on my part. Of course, things have changed since then and I feel I'm going to regret having made it, however the decision has been made & it is one we need to stick to. I would love to share pictures & details but this is anonymous for a reason so I suppose I don't want to ruin that aspect.
I plan to be on here more often starting soon, I had my top two wisdom teeth removed last Friday and am just now getting back "up to par". Get ready for some rowdy blogging! ;)
Sincerely,
Dying to hug & kiss him!
We're at our half-way mark folks! I am overly joyed, and going to pray even harder than before. I figured things would be easier than they have been; it isn't so much that life has been more difficult, as much as it is that it's just more stressful. For the majority of a year once this deployment is over I will still be living away from my husband though, and I am somewhat excited about this. I believe it will give lovebug & I a fresh start, a way to let us appreciate each other again.
I'm worried for the pain it could bring our daughter, however we came to the conclusion that it should be better for her to stay where we plan to be long-term vs. moving for a few months then coming back. Routine wise and for family reasons it just seems better for her. It was an easy decision to make when we made it, probably for selfish reasons on my part. Of course, things have changed since then and I feel I'm going to regret having made it, however the decision has been made & it is one we need to stick to. I would love to share pictures & details but this is anonymous for a reason so I suppose I don't want to ruin that aspect.
I plan to be on here more often starting soon, I had my top two wisdom teeth removed last Friday and am just now getting back "up to par". Get ready for some rowdy blogging! ;)
Sincerely,
Dying to hug & kiss him!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Medical Transcription Classes
You simply cannot learn this!
I am going to school through an online program with Meditec for Medical Transcription, Billing and Coding. Each of the three programs are well paying careers, however I decided to be the overachiever I always start out as, and am now falling way behind, as always. For between 3 and 4 months I have been trying to take a final for my Transcription portion of this program. Mind you, Transcription is something like 6/12 classes that I have, hence it sucks in my opinion.
Let me get to the point, is there anyone out there (there obviously is because people do this as a living) who knows every word of dictation EVERY time?! Passing this final is going to be ridiculous, and I'm about to give up all together. One simply cannot know every single medical term, medical abbreviation, and each nickname within without tens of years of experience, if that.
End rant,
Tired of being a perfectionist
Monday, August 13, 2012
I'm Getting Fat!
BOOST START!
After years of depression and eating my feelings mixed with a drop or two of laziness as well as being a first time mother and the first year of marriage to a military man, I gained quite a bit of fat and lost plenty of muscle tone. I didn't put on weight, but definitely carried it differently after giving birth.
In a matter of 3 months after gradual miniscule changes to my diet each day and being excited about the gym each night for an hour I managed to lose 25 pounds! I'm 5'6" and started out at 175 and made it down to 150. I was the smallest I have been my whole full-grown life! I started out my lifestyle change by taking OxyElitePro and I LOVED IT! A girlfriend of mine introduced me to it, and she herself lost something like 20 pounds by taking OEP. She didn't even work-out or eat properly and had those results. I say thats awesome! The cool thing about OEP is it is all natural, other than the added caffeine, which I believe is only 100mg.
Since my husbands deployment started and I have moved back home to Texas where there are more yummy fast food choices, now that I am working full time and have a 40+ minute commute each way and with my toddler at me feet 24/7 I've put about 6 pounds back on. I've been looking for something to get me started on the right path again and for some reason I feel like the fact that I took OEP made me think about doing things right each day so that I didn't waste that money or feel bad about using a pill to aid in weight-loss. I haven't had time to go out and get another round of OxyElitePro and at the time could not find where to get it online as www.amazon.com was out, so I recently ordered Oxy5001. I am not nearly as impressed with what I have read, but am going to give it a try and will keep you updated with my results.
Also, I came across a blog who had a link to this and I thought I'd see if anyone else might want to try it, as I ordered a sample for myself and will also keep you posted once I receive it and put it to some use.
Slim FX by Athletic X-treme
http://samples.athleticxtreme.com/?ref=Y3JJNJ7YW78E0813
I am going to get in search of some recipes to get me back on track and will be letting you know of anything tasty I come across!
Thanks for reading again,
I need a gym buddy!
After years of depression and eating my feelings mixed with a drop or two of laziness as well as being a first time mother and the first year of marriage to a military man, I gained quite a bit of fat and lost plenty of muscle tone. I didn't put on weight, but definitely carried it differently after giving birth.
In a matter of 3 months after gradual miniscule changes to my diet each day and being excited about the gym each night for an hour I managed to lose 25 pounds! I'm 5'6" and started out at 175 and made it down to 150. I was the smallest I have been my whole full-grown life! I started out my lifestyle change by taking OxyElitePro and I LOVED IT! A girlfriend of mine introduced me to it, and she herself lost something like 20 pounds by taking OEP. She didn't even work-out or eat properly and had those results. I say thats awesome! The cool thing about OEP is it is all natural, other than the added caffeine, which I believe is only 100mg.
Since my husbands deployment started and I have moved back home to Texas where there are more yummy fast food choices, now that I am working full time and have a 40+ minute commute each way and with my toddler at me feet 24/7 I've put about 6 pounds back on. I've been looking for something to get me started on the right path again and for some reason I feel like the fact that I took OEP made me think about doing things right each day so that I didn't waste that money or feel bad about using a pill to aid in weight-loss. I haven't had time to go out and get another round of OxyElitePro and at the time could not find where to get it online as www.amazon.com was out, so I recently ordered Oxy5001. I am not nearly as impressed with what I have read, but am going to give it a try and will keep you updated with my results.
Also, I came across a blog who had a link to this and I thought I'd see if anyone else might want to try it, as I ordered a sample for myself and will also keep you posted once I receive it and put it to some use.
Slim FX by Athletic X-treme
http://samples.athleticxtreme.com/?ref=Y3JJNJ7YW78E0813
I am going to get in search of some recipes to get me back on track and will be letting you know of anything tasty I come across!
Thanks for reading again,
I need a gym buddy!
Monday, August 6, 2012
Thankful for Larry Keirn
In memory of Pastor Larry Keirn
I came to CrossPoint church of Christ only 3 weeks ago and was captivated right away. After spending a month in search of the perfect church for my family, I walked into CrossPoint and was welcomed by Larry Keirn opening the door for me and my daughter. He noticed I was a new face and introduced himself and welcomed me whole-heartedly. After the service, where he preached about everyday chatter and how God wants us to know how to differ chatter from what in life is important, he remembered my name and my daughters. He was glad to hear I would be back and felt so at home.
The following Sunday I did not make it into church as I planned on visiting family. I thought the whole day about what kind of service I had missed out on and what the message was. I am beyond upset that I did not attend Sunday service last week. As I walked up to the church yesterday, I was not greeted by Larry as I was the first time I had attended, instead I was greeted by an unfamiliar face, a face that had so much behind it, wanting to say something but not sure how much I knew just yet. I instead got a slight smile and a nod. I found it a bit strange. As I dropped my daughter off at her Sunday school if you will, I was informed that Larry had passed away on Saturday.
I regret not making it to church the week before as I would give anything to let him know how welcome he made me feel as a new believer. I would have loved to tell him how even just the one sermon I had heard from him has helped me, and how perfectly his sermon fit in with what was going on in my life at that time. I can now show how thankful I am to God instead of telling Larry Keirn, how profound an influence he had on me.
Because of this man, I have found my place of worship, the place that will help shape me for a long time to come. Thank you a thousand times Pastor Larry Keirn. I am sad to not have the chance to have learned more from you, but I will follow God's plan for me in your honor.
Sincerely,
JS
I came to CrossPoint church of Christ only 3 weeks ago and was captivated right away. After spending a month in search of the perfect church for my family, I walked into CrossPoint and was welcomed by Larry Keirn opening the door for me and my daughter. He noticed I was a new face and introduced himself and welcomed me whole-heartedly. After the service, where he preached about everyday chatter and how God wants us to know how to differ chatter from what in life is important, he remembered my name and my daughters. He was glad to hear I would be back and felt so at home.
The following Sunday I did not make it into church as I planned on visiting family. I thought the whole day about what kind of service I had missed out on and what the message was. I am beyond upset that I did not attend Sunday service last week. As I walked up to the church yesterday, I was not greeted by Larry as I was the first time I had attended, instead I was greeted by an unfamiliar face, a face that had so much behind it, wanting to say something but not sure how much I knew just yet. I instead got a slight smile and a nod. I found it a bit strange. As I dropped my daughter off at her Sunday school if you will, I was informed that Larry had passed away on Saturday.
I regret not making it to church the week before as I would give anything to let him know how welcome he made me feel as a new believer. I would have loved to tell him how even just the one sermon I had heard from him has helped me, and how perfectly his sermon fit in with what was going on in my life at that time. I can now show how thankful I am to God instead of telling Larry Keirn, how profound an influence he had on me.
Because of this man, I have found my place of worship, the place that will help shape me for a long time to come. Thank you a thousand times Pastor Larry Keirn. I am sad to not have the chance to have learned more from you, but I will follow God's plan for me in your honor.
Sincerely,
JS
Thursday, July 26, 2012
I've Got the Blues
This ain't your Mac n' Cheese Blues
It's the my husband & baby-daddy's deployed and I'm left to fend for myself blues.
Watching my baby girl miss her daddy hurts my heart. Watching my mother-in-law attempt strength talking about her baby boy being gone hurts my heart. Seeing him on the other side of the world via skype hurts my heart.
To give you a little preface about my marriage, we've been married about a year and a half, been together 3 years next month. Out relationship began a month before his basic training, although we knew each other 4 years before we became "us". A while into it we tried for a baby for a few months and right as we decided to stop trying, we found out we were pregnant. Now we have a 17 mo. old and all the stress of the beginning of marriage along with military stresses. Needless to say, life has been crazy for us.
Last month, we both came to individual decisions about our religious beliefs. Oddly enough, both practically at the same time and for the same reasons for the most part. Since then our relationship has done a 180 and we both feel that things are turning around. God is helping us. I'm not going to doubt God, but if you do then I encourage you to watch my relationship blossom, because I can promise you that is God's work at its finest.
I'm so anxious to have my husband home. I miss all the obvious things, the physical aspects, but so much more than the physical is the mental. The connection we had when we got together, it's blossoming again and my heart is overwhelmed with comfort when I think about the beginning of next year when he is back in the states.
I miss the freckles on his ear & the way he used to hold my hand in the car.
I miss silly pictures with him & taking naps on the couch in his arms.
I miss my daughter getting excited about daddy coming home & I miss his morning kisses.
Deployment, please end pronto.
Sincerely,
Lovebug's Lovebug
It's the my husband & baby-daddy's deployed and I'm left to fend for myself blues.
Watching my baby girl miss her daddy hurts my heart. Watching my mother-in-law attempt strength talking about her baby boy being gone hurts my heart. Seeing him on the other side of the world via skype hurts my heart.
To give you a little preface about my marriage, we've been married about a year and a half, been together 3 years next month. Out relationship began a month before his basic training, although we knew each other 4 years before we became "us". A while into it we tried for a baby for a few months and right as we decided to stop trying, we found out we were pregnant. Now we have a 17 mo. old and all the stress of the beginning of marriage along with military stresses. Needless to say, life has been crazy for us.
Last month, we both came to individual decisions about our religious beliefs. Oddly enough, both practically at the same time and for the same reasons for the most part. Since then our relationship has done a 180 and we both feel that things are turning around. God is helping us. I'm not going to doubt God, but if you do then I encourage you to watch my relationship blossom, because I can promise you that is God's work at its finest.
I'm so anxious to have my husband home. I miss all the obvious things, the physical aspects, but so much more than the physical is the mental. The connection we had when we got together, it's blossoming again and my heart is overwhelmed with comfort when I think about the beginning of next year when he is back in the states.
I miss the freckles on his ear & the way he used to hold my hand in the car.
I miss silly pictures with him & taking naps on the couch in his arms.
I miss my daughter getting excited about daddy coming home & I miss his morning kisses.
Deployment, please end pronto.
Sincerely,
Lovebug's Lovebug
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