Trichotillomania

The compulsion to tear or pluck out the hair on one's head and face and often to ingest it.

I have struggled with this disease since middle school. I remember seeing my mother and my grandmother do these things as well, and we were all ashamed of it. Over the past year, since I realized there was a name for it, and it is a disease, I am not ashamed. This does not mean that I am proud, just that I accept it and can tell people about my problem.

I struggle less and less since I am aware and have realized my "triggers". Stress and Anxiety build up within me easily and lead to me pulling my eyelashes and eyebrows. It has been such an embarrassing struggle and I never understood exactly why I did it. I refuse to be a "puller" any longer! I have a daughter and do not want the chain to continue to her.

Since realizing what I was doing, and figuring out my triggers I found the only things that help me not to pull are praying, which sadly does not always work, and making others aware of the situation so that I know people are watching and they know that I am vulnerable. This keeps me on my toes and makes me not want to give others the chance to judge me.

Telling people is very hard, and humbling. I sometimes find it hard to believe that others will understand and believe that I have been through the life that I have. Sometimes I feel like I am complaining about nothing because I know there are people that have had it worse. My childhood was extremely hard and I will keep it at that for the blogging world, but between those stressors and seeing my mother and grandmother "pull" when they got stressed it led to my Trichotillomania.

Be aware. Accept. Inform.

Those are the only steps that I can say begin a working process on healing yourself.

 Order lash and brow building serum from my Mary Kay website and receive 40% off of this item every time.

www.marykay.com/jspeigel 

Fathers Day is coming up!

 Father's Day June 16, 2013

Get prepared now!!!

Although I don't have a Daddy to buy for this Father's Day, I do have a spouse who LOVES Domain by MK! Mary Kay has a line called MK Men that carries all his skin-care needs as well as 5 different colognes. Mary Kay carries different trial/travel packs so the Daddy of your choice can figure out exactly what he likes best. Stop by my website today and order for Fathers Day 2013.

 

Grab something for yourself or a graduate while you are at it! If you purchase any shade of True Dimensions Lipstick, Lip Liner and a Lip Gloss you get a Gold Lip Clutch with a FREE Lip Gloss!!! (Offer only available while supplies lasts!)

If you're someone looking to work from home, Mary Kay has a great opportunity to offer you! I love this company and I've only been in since May 9, but already my dreams are seriously coming true, with hard work and dedication I'm moving up the ladder. It helps that I love our products, but it isn't about selling the product, it's about the relationship and putting people first!

Ask me for more details on how you can be your own boss!

Visit my Mary Kay page!

When I was Three or Four

Matthew 18: 2-6

He called a little child and had him stand among them.  And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.  But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

My mom was dating a guy who later became her husband (only by law, not by actual marriage). We would stay at his house every once in a while. He had a huge Lion Fish that he just loved! Of course he loved it, it was EXPENSIVE! Well one morning no one was up with me and I thought that the fish looked so hungry so I got a block of Colby-Jack cheese out of the refrigerator. I love Colby-Jack! Why wouldn't a fish love it too?! Well obviously a fish doesn't need cheese, and definitely not a whole block of it at that.

At this point in time my mom and her at the time boyfriend were still good people, even to this day I feel like they had the best intentions with me at that point. He didn't get mad at me, I'm not sure if he was just trying to impress my mom or what, but he won my heart then.

As life went on and they had my brother. They got deep in drugs and my mom started stripping and it was just all down hill. The only man I'd ever called dad, who wasn't even my own dad, changed his fate in my life by bringing my family down a long-drawn out hurt-filled venture via addiction.

I recently forgave him, to the best of my abilities. He has turned his life around quite a bit, getting college degrees and getting healthy. I'm not close to him so I do not know for sure, but I am pretty sure he is drug-free now. 

Anyways, this is where that memory brought me. Yay for blogging ideas!

:/ 

Thankful & Sad

Proverbs 10:7

The memory of the righteous is blessed, But the name of the wicked will rot.

Being a military wife, and mother to a child whom I had to hold close every night for 9 months by myself it is an amazing feeling to have my husband home in my arms, and with no physical disabilities at that! However, deployment and deaths and injuries of his brothers in arms are feelings beyond words. Although I am thankful, I know a few who have not been so lucky as to have their spouse, son, daughter, sibling etc.come back from war into their arms.

I told my husband yesterday that I am so thankful that I don't have to be hurting right now, because he had two close calls during his deployment that could have easily made me a widow had they been handled wrong. I am so thankful; however my heart hurts as I lack the words to comfort acquaintances and friends who lose their loved ones to war. There are women who have stayed here near our current duty station even though they lost their spouse over a year ago, simply because this is the last place they were together and they don't feel comfortable anywhere else. I can't imagine that pain, and I am so close to it. I can't imagine how civilian families can even begin to comprehend how the loss of a soldier affects someone.

We barbeque on memorial day weekend, and we get together to drink when the men and women who died for us can not enjoy such things because they are in heaven reaping the benefits of a life well served. All we can do is remember, and I don't mean remember for just a second, it's Memorial Day WEEKEND. 

Think about the soldier who died who had a child they had never yet met because their baby was born during deployment and they didn't receive leave time and died before they could make it home. That baby could be 2 now, or 5 10 16 20 etc. Just imagine, having a parent who died so honorably, yet you never met them. Let it sink in. 

Think about the fiance who planned her whole wedding over the months to year that her loved one was deployed, the one who may have never received the call or information through family line that her Husband-to-be was no longer a part of her life plan. Think of the decisions she had to make from there on. Think of the hurt she goes through if she chose to move on and is with someone else, or that she feels if she still can't get over him. Think of her at these BBQ's full of great times.

Think about the parents who were sick in the hospital during deployment, the ones who were helping raise their child's children by supporting the spouse left behind. Think about the siblings who had bad parental influence and looked up to their older brother/sister in every way, and now they don't have that. Think about the friends who hadn't seen their buddy in years because s/he got stationed thousands of miles away and were awaiting their dear friends arrival because s/he was getting out of the military after this deployment, the soldier who only had a month after deployment left in this lifestyle.

Think about the soldiers who do come back, and while on the outside they look "fine" they battle with PTSD and feel ashamed because they are supposed to be strong, but they hurt. Think about the friends/ siblings in arms that they have lost, they have noticed are hurting.

These are things that will never change for these people, and most of the time you can't see just how much they are hurt. The people they surround themselves with are affected because it is usually difficult to know what to say or how to say it to help the widows, mommys, daddys, siblings, friends who lost someone near and dear to them in such an honorable manner.

Remember our fallen soldiers this Memorial Day. Remember that every day is hard for many people around us due to the loss of a soldier. Many people are too proud to say it, but they hurt. Pray for the families and friends and Battle Buddies who may never have closure.

Remember to toast, pray, mention, honor, fallen soldiers in some way while you hang out with the people near and dear to you this weekend. Love them and hold them close.

A Day in My Shoes

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

• Make breakfast
• Read devotional
• Read Mary Kay Ash' Miracles Happen
• Get dressed
• Put my face on
• Bow Chicka Wow Wow
• Host Marriage On The Rock Group
• Set-up my first Mary Kay business partner!
• Ordered my "store"!
• Cleaned up after unruly toddler
• Went to Armed Forces Day on post
• Relaxing and doing small work tasks the rest of the night      

My Musical Library

James 4:1

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 

Straightjacket Feeling
All American Rejects

If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away
Justin Moore

Come to Bed
Gretchen Wilson

Life on the Run
Dierks Bentley

My Paper Heart
All American Rejects

Dance Baby Dance
Chris Cagle

Muckalee Creek Water
Luke Bryan

I'll Grow My Own
Chris Cagle

Cupid's Got a Shotgun
Carrie Underwood

Rihanna
S&M    

Not Your Average Middle School Crush

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Let me set the stage. It takes place at a school dance in a Intermediate/Middle school cafeteria. Tables pushed against walls and songs that should not be playing in a middle school echoing the room that at the time looked so huge to our 4'10 inch bodies. Random pre-teens scatered about in cliques and by their lonesome selves at the few cafeteria tables pushed against the walls. 

I am dancing my awkward white girl dance when I spot him, or maybe he spoted me. I really do not recall what happened anymore when it comes down to small details. When it comes down to it the basics are that eventually, before the night was over, a mutual friend introduced us and I fell in some serious puppy love. For some even number of months that I can't seem to remember exactly either, I was so wrapped around this football playing, shaggy hair having, shy but goofy personality of a cute CUTE boy. He was really great to me for us being so young. As I write this blog and realize how long it's been since I "forgot" about him, it's strange to think about how things changed and how I let society shape me. We had a relationship that in my mind now as a married woman trying to think back something like 9 years, very possibly could have led to a marriage.

I used to desire to spend every second with him. I remember our first date, however not our first kiss! My grandma (who raised me from age 11 to 18) sat a row behind us at a movie. I believe it was the first Lord of The Rings! How silly! I know his mom didn't approve of me, but she was always so accepting. I didn't see much of his dad. His adorable little sister, Payton, used to spy on us and try to hang out with us every chance she got! He was so annoyed back then, but God sent her in (or maybe it was just his Mom!) for a good reason.

I let peer pressure take hold of me. Caught in the hormones, worldly influence and lack of role model or religion in my life I ended up breaking up with him! I was upset because he wouldn't take it to the next step/level with me and I thought that meant he didn't "love" me. HOW RIDICULOUS is that!? 

I remember writing him a very long letter that summer and asking for him back. My heart was as crushed as a 13-year-olds heart could be when he didn't respond. All during high-school I hoped to end up in a class with him, and of course that never happened either. The few times that I did see him around at school (which was literally less than 10 times in my four high-school years) it brought all the pain and realization back to me. As I dated numerous guys on and off through-out high school I could have had such a great guy by my side. Of course there is no telling why we weren't meant to be, and I am content with that, but this blog topic definitely caught me off guard and made me remember so many silly things that happened while I was young.

I pray for the best for this man (Ryan S.) who is now probably doing great things with his life, and while I apologize for any hurt I might have caused his fragile pre-teen heart I know we are both better for it and are both where God intended us to end up individually. I hope he forgives my lack of self-respect as well as whatever rude things I am sure I had to say to him when really I was in the wrong.

I pray my daughter can run into a guy like that at a young age, only being raised by God-fearing parents I hope she makes more wise decisions than I did at that point. I pray she has a head on her shoulders and doesn't give into the peer pressure surrounding her, but instead gives in to putting God and his views and plans for marriage into her life.

God intended for us to wait for the right person, even if it isn't sex that we are talking about. Emotional investment, and all steps leading up to sex should happen over a LONG (think multiple years, sometimes 10 or 15 years!) period of time and serious commitment (MARRIAGE) to one another.

This blog topic makes me realize just how important it is to wait until marriage under GOD'S views to start being sexually active. Just because the world and your peers tell you it is okay, or it is the only way, that is not the case.Wait, make it be worth something. Your body is not other people's business, it is your temple for God to protect, let him do his job!

Goals

2 Chronicles 15:7

But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded.

When you ask me what plans I have for my future, my usual answer is, "ask God". Surely I have dreams and desires, I just don't know what all of them are, and my dreams change often. 

I know I want to grow in my love for my Lord and Savior every day of my life. I never want to lose him, and I want to lead my family in a great example of Christ-like love! I want to know my bible in and out and know how to relate it to this crazy-real world.

I pray that I will be an amazing, out of this world wife in my husbands eyes and that I help God keep him happy for always. I pray we show our children, and this world a true marriage on THE ROCK. I pray we forever remember our hard times so that we know marriage does take work, and we have made it through entirely too much to ever quit on each other.

Right now we are actually trying for a second child. I don't know if it is so much trying as it is not-not trying! Haha! We both hope for a boy, but know that a girl would make us just as happy, as we've been shown that before. The both of us just want to have a good pregnancy experience now that our relationship is stable. We want to see what God had in store for us when done his way.

Mainly I pray that when and if God blesses us with another baby, that we both love our children just the same even though they will have come from two completely different times in our life. I pray we don't let our feelings toward each other in the past harm our first-born any more than they have and that forever she feels loved just the same as a possible new child. My heart hurts thinking about all the things she didn't have that a new baby might have. I know it will shape her personality, I just hope it is in a positive way!

Concerning my husbands military career, I hope he stays happy with whatever he chooses, and that the Lord make a way if it ever be that he may need to get out and venture into a career outside of military life style. All I know is I want him safe, happy, and confident in all his choices.    

When it comes to my career, I want to have confidence in myself, and be happy as well as support my family. Like most, I'd love the dream job. Thank the good Lord that I am in the beginning process of this as I started with Mary Kay May 9, 2013. I have so many possibilities and it is all up to God and how much work I put in. My Mary Kay short term goal is to get my Perfect Start Pin, Power Start Pin, and my Pearls!!! Within the next year I want to achieve the second level of car bonus and get the MK Mustang! I would love to be able to retire my husband off of my MK income and help my children through College wherever they might want to go, if they want to go.

I want to make it out of the country, even if it is just once. Mexico or Canada would even be fine with me, I just want to be able to say I've been elsewhere.

I want to start a Fundraising Foundation one day, I just do not know what for quite yet.

I hope to gleam Christ' love everywhere I go and be humble all my days.

Sadly, I know I am a sinner and sometimes I will just have to apologize to my Lord and the people I hurt along my life journey. I can only pray to receive forgiveness, and repent!

Mary Kay!

MK MY WAY!

So, I just recently began my new career as a Mary Kay Sales Consultant and I am beyond excited! I love all the things I have learned about this company! I get to play with make-up and earn money, cars, jewlery and trips around the world?! HECK YEAH! Seriously I cannot wait to see where this takes me. I know I need it to get out of my box, and it seems to already be helping with that. I told a lady I saw at Wal-Mart today that I loved her hair and she about had a heart attack that someone complemented her. I think we all need more nice surprises like that. I think I want to start saying something nice to total strangers more often, just put a little pep in their step.

Here are some fun facts I bet you did not know about Mary Kay:

This year was the 50 year anniversary.

The company is based on the belief of putting God first, Family Second and Career Third!

Although Mary Kay Ash is deceased, her son still runs the company to ensure it goes the way Mary Kay Ash wanted it to.

Working for Mary Kay, one receives 50% commission.

Although make-up companies are not required to be FDA approved, and most are not, Mary Kay is FDA approved!

Mary Kay was one of, if not then the first make-up company to stop testing on animals!

Also, Mary Kay has been open to teaching other companies how to trial their make-up without testing on animals! How many companies now-a-days share their secrets to success?! Not many!

Those are just a few things I have found out over the past few days. I hope to grow with more knowledge in this business every single day! As for my main goal, it is to win and keep this beauty posted below by my birthday next year. June 24, 2014! I want the Mary Kay Mustang!!! (There are three levels of cars and the mustang is in the second level) I will achieve this!!!

MK My Way

Satisfaction

John 6:35

Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst".

When asked to describe a moment in my life that I felt the most satisfied I actually stumble quite a bit. Once my grandma got ahold of me I was raised to be a perfectionist and I really feel like that could be considered a disease! It is very rare that things happen according to plan in REAL every-day life! Perfectionists are set up for failure in my opinion. 
The closest to being completely satisfied I believe I have felt is end of summer going into beginning of fall of 2009. I had just started dating my husband and had my first office job and just felt like life was perfect, other than the fact that my fiancee at the time was away at basic. I feel like God makes even the most perfect moments imperfect just to remind you that this is a real world and real perfection takes very hard work.

Zodiac: Cancer

Jeremiah 27:9

So do not listen to your prophets, your diviners, your dreamers, your fortune tellers, or your sorcerers, who are saying to you, "You shall not serve the king of Babylon".

I have never been one to believe in zodiac signs or symbols of any sort. While I do think they are fun and it is interesting when most qualities or characteristics match up, I know that they are nothing to count on. The only thing in this world to believe in as having a place to tell you how your life will be is through God Almighty. 

Easy as that. 

My Dirty Thirty

John 14:21

Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.

1. I am a firm believer in Jesus Christ and his Father.
2. I am a sinner.
3. I have been married for almost 3 years.
4. My husband and I have a 2 year old! (26 months!)
5. We are praying for God to bless us with a second child!!!
6. I am a stay at home mama!
7.  I became a Mary Kay Consultant on May 9, 2013!
8. I'm currently hoping to receive a MK Mustang by May 2014!
9. We have a Pit-bull and a Chihuahua.
10. I graduated highschool.
11. I completed one year of college at UT Arlington.
12. My husband is in the US Army.
13. We are from Texas and have be stationed in Washington (state) for 3 years.
14. Next month we are going back to Texas! (He is getting stationed at Fort Hood!
15. I love all things musical!
16. I have high anxiety levels. (I do NOT keep calm!)
17. I love to read but don't have much time for it.
18. I love working out! (once I get half way through my workout).
19. I am terrible at eating healthy.
20. I play COD in my down time.
21. I believe a walk through the park can fix any mood.
22. I am independent.
23. Since having children I have become lazy when it comes to my appearance, and I hope to change that!
24. My husband and I host a group through our church called Marriage On The Rock, based off of biblical principals of marriage.
25.  I rarely drink, the main time I drink is to flatter my husband, as he likes it when I cut loose. (haha!)
26. God saved my marriage.
27.  I had my first car accident (as an adult) at the age of 16.
28. I spun off of the road during my most recent road trip during an ice storm in the middle of Wyoming in a high wind zone. It scared me to death.
29. I am not crafty, but have crafty ideas.
30. I. love. to. two. step.

Religion

John 13:34-35

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

My take on religion is this exact Bible verse. Love is all that matters! I am christian, and I am God-fearing. The thing that I love about following God is that His Word tells us over and over to love others. God loved others, sinful nature and all, so much that he sent his one and only son to die for all of those who had sinned, and all of those to sin in the future. Jesus was constantly trying to help sinners see the way to a happy ending, he hurt for them; he loved them. Just because someone does not follow the same beliefs as me, my religion still tells me to love them, to forgive them of their trespasses. For that, I am grateful. A world without forgiveness would be a very harsh place, considering we are ALL imperfect.

Drugs and Alcohol

1 Corinthians 6:9-10

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

 

When it comes to alcohol, I am not a fan. It rarely comes without side-effects and usually leads to bad choices. Once or twice a month I do drink a Mikes Hard or two, usually at home and just with my husband, because he uses it to let loose and misses our old crazy days where I would drink too. After becoming a mom drinking became no fun, and it is obvious why. Early mornings mixed with late nights make for a grouchy family all around, through in something that makes you disoriented and there are too many openings for good intentions to go bad.

Although I am not a fan of alcohol I do not mind if it is something you are into! Mind you, I will part myself from irresponsible use of alcohol because I refuse to take part in the craziness that easily accompanies it.

 

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

 

Drugs are a definite "no-go" for me. Even when it comes to prescriptions I remain weary. I just feel like God intended for us to live a clean life and many humans have "addictive personalities" which can carry us too far from our original intention and use of the drug in the first place.

Again, I do not mind what you do with your time, but I will part from any situation that is not controlled, and chances are I will feel very uncomfortable in any situation involving non-prescribed drugs.   

Ten Years From Now

Colossians 1:9-10

And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.

Well, when asked where I want to be 10 years from now I don't have one specific answer. Only the Lord God Almighty knows where I'll end up and what would be best for me. The only way I could answer this is to LIST IT! My current goals, hopes and desires for ten years from now are as follows, but in no specific order.

 Grow Spritually

Be an amazing wife

Keep my toddler healthy & happy

Become a mother to another mini-me

Keep my house a home

Read every word of my Bible

Finally finish my very first knitting project

 Start a business of some sort/become self-employed

Go on a mission trip

Visit another country (vacation)

Renew my vows/ Finally have our wedding reception with family and friends

Write & publish a children's book

Start a charitable organization

Forgive always, laugh often and love strong

I Am Married

Genesis 2:22-24

Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.  The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man."  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

 

August 27, 2009 I made the best choice I might have made in my life, second only to accepting God as my Heavenly Father and Creator. At the time I was 19 living with my current best friend. She and I worked at a restaurant and were fairly active in our social lives, going out or hanging out with another friend or two practically every night. As she and I got dressed for the night, I checked my facebook one last time. I noticed that my first high-school crush was online. I had added him the day before and really thought that never would there be a day he would even remember me. Well, long story short I stayed home from the party and messaged him back and forth until my fingers nearly fell off. We did not stop talking, texting, messaging or hanging out for the next month.

I have now been with my sweet-heart nearly four years. I have followed him throughout his military career from day one, dropping him off at his recruiter to go off to MEPS. We have been through a deployment, we have a two-year-old daughter and two puppies. He and I have been through a rugged beginning, including incidents that possibly only occurred because we hadn't known God's love for us just yet. We can both look back now and be thankful for the hard times.

The bible verse above is the basis of a series called Marriage On The Rock that my husband and I host a weekly group for out of our church. This book (also a dvd) teaches so many principles that many married people never realize. I highly recommend you look into this book, whether you are married or not! MOTR helps one to understand oneself as well as other people. It can definitely be used as a tool for any relationship, but it is based off of God's plan for marriage.

The main thing I have learned in our time together is to out God first, my husband second, my children third, and all the rest will follow.

Procrastination

Procrastinate (vb)

-to put off or defer (an action) until a later time.

Well, once again I've taken an eternity to update you on my eventful life (no sarcasm intended)! I have been extremely busy. First it was my nighttime job throwing everything off, then I quit that job so that I could put my husband and family first, and ever since then I've been busy keeping everyone happy. On top of this, I've been helping a friend get through some tough times and we have taken her and her (newly) one year old into our home. This past week I attended Unique and Unstoppable Women's Encounter at Capital Christian Center. Needless to say, hectic sums up my whole past month. I enjoy blogging tremendously, and practically every day that I have not blogged, I've day-dreamed of tuning the whole world out for a few moments to type my life away on here. I decided to take some time late in the night to get back at it. No more procrastination.

When I was in school I excelled in English/Literature and have many a time thought about Journalism as a major, so I really need to make this more of a priority and figure out just how much I really like this, as well as find out what people think of what I have to say. To help get me into the habit of blogging, I am attempting a 30-day blog-challenge shortly.

Let me know what you think!