Sometimes I write songs but can't put a tune to them and call them poems

I can imagine me and you laying in the bed

We're being silly & crazy & you amaze me.

Next thing I know I'm fed, up

with all the lies and how we try to disguise

the pain that we both feel.

My God, I can't believe it's real.

These country songs have me all tied up

Without God by now I'd probably lite up

Something stronger than the pain for a moment

But I know that I can't let

These visions in my head lead me

To the place where we used to be.

Why don't you smile when you come home,

I try so hard and just don't know

How can I be better for you

Don't say that D word, it can't be true

Don't leave me

These country songs have me all tied up

Without God by now I'd probably lite up

Something stronger than the pain for a moment

But I know that I can't let

These visions in my head lead me

To the place where we used to be

It takes two to talk

and it takes just one to walk

away from everything we built up to

and now we both hold the guilt of

taking turns talking and walking

Why won't you just let me in

Instead

These country songs have me all tied up

Without God by now I'd probably lite up

Something stronger than the pain for a moment

But I know that I can't let

These visions in my head lead me

To the place where we used to be

A Great Debate

The moment when you finally catch a true lazy moment in the day and for once spend it watching reality TV. You watch an episode of Teen Mom and you oddly find yourself relating to a majority of the issues the young moms are going through. Sure, you got married and sure, you were a couple years older than then when you started. Another thing you have in common, you were not ready.
Is anybody ever truly ready? And, if they are, do they know they are ready? How do they know? Does that really raise any better of a child, or does it just make it less stressful on the parents?

I want to argue that in my mind, it comes down to the determination of the parent, definitely not the financial status or age of the parent. Was the baby planned? What were the intentions of creating another human being?

There were a few times while I was married where my former spouse would watch a show of my choosing instead of his. I recall once when I picked Teen Mom (I know I know!) and he actually watched with me. Legitimately watched and felt and empathized with the moms, he crap talked most of the guys actions and called them names left and right. At the end of the episode, he looked me in the eyes and told me, "If I ever acted that way while you were pregnant, if I acted half that bad, I apologize. You don't deserve that" and a few other choice comments about the parents.

At the time, I am pretty sure I just gave him a glazed over look because I did not want to answer. It wouldn't surprise me if I even lied to him and said "no baby you were much better" or "you weren't nearly that bad"! The truth is... I wanted to say and to this day it has been confirmed that I want to shout from the rooftops that he sucks as a parent. I want to smack him over the head for so many of the same things the moms in Teen Mom discuss on the show. I don't want to write this to complain about him... well I do but I hold myself to a higher standard... so what I am getting at is this.

I got married and had a baby at 20, out of my teenage years, my husband was 21. I know my mothering could have been better, but... can't everyone's? If we are waiting until we are happy with ourselves... most people would never have children. If we waited until society was happy with us... we would definitely never have children! Don't great, phenomenal people come from some of the worst places and upbringings? I just wanted to point out something here that I am sure many have said before me... it really does only mostly take love to raise a child and do it in a "right" way. I know we can argue money and other issues all day long... but the way I see it a homeless mom COULD be a way better mom than SOME millionaire couples. It all comes down to intentions.

How do people do this?

Day in and day out, this single parent thing, it feels like I might cave from the pressure every single moment of each day. I don't know if it is that I never pictured my life this way, or legitimately because it is as difficult as it feels. At least once a day I contemplate how on earth any other single parent has ever done this. Alone. And lived! How?!
The absolute only answer I see possible? My babies need me.
This post isn't me complaining, I really just don't know how I will do this for the next 20 ish years. In reality, it probably wouldn't have been too different in my previous situation (called marriage), but the little bit of help I had did lighten my load a tad.
I took the girls to the park today, and now that little one is walking a bit, it was the hardest thing since us girls have been doing our own thing. I had to stay with my little to help her walk and you know, make sure she didn't eat stuff off the playground floor, or get snatched up by the lurking park creep we all know is around every single corner. But my big baby wanted me to play, to spin her, to chase her. My heart was so torn. "How do I do this? It's not fair he's not here to help. How can I do this more efficiently? Will I ever be able to go out in public and feel sane again?"
Both of these babies need me, in the same way and each in their own ways as well, and I need myself on top of it!
Every day I spend working towards my dreams, goals, passions... working full-time and in school full-time flying jet speed toward everything that makes me happy to be doing and showing my girls how they don't have to settle, and at the same time raise those two sweet girls in such pivotal points of their lives and do it well? How? How have other people done this, and survived, or thrived? How do I do this and not be bitter towards him?
I've gotten better, but I still find myself upset that I'm here, only to be happy about it moments later. I get the compliments plenty. People who hear my story "wow, you're doing all that? you're amazing!" Yeah, I'm doing it, but I always worry my girls won't understand as they look back, why I was always busy, or why I couldn't stay home and cuddle them. Why I couldn't run the playground rampant with my big girl, or why there are so many pictures and videos of my big girl as a baby, but my little one has a photo shoot once in a blue moon. I hope they understand my hands are full when they look back, because I know they both hate me for it majority of the time now. I hope they understand their circumstances as infants are so different.
I know that I made the right choice following this career path, because I would have been putting the same amount of time, and probably more stress, into the office job I had at first, but I hope they know that I didn't do that for me, I did it so they will know they should have faith in themselves and follow their life dreams, and goals instead of settling, in any way. I hope they see the difference, grasp the meaning.

Emotional Roller coaster

Thanksgiving 2014. I'm still a bit numb, and glad, otherwise yesterday would have been impossible to live through. I feel so many emotions on a daily basis now. BUT, I always tune them out and just meet myself right in the middle everytime. Numb, or maybe the complete opposite, I feel so much that I cannot pinpoint any single emotion.
Elated, my biggest little helped decorate the Christmas tree on Thanksgiving. It was just she and I, all 3 1/2 years of her and she did so great on our tree. That sweet baby, she was so happy to help as usual. When we got done decorating it and she looked down at the floor sadly and said she missed Daddy, that was raw, it was devistating. I still don't know how to explain this, and I don't think I ever will know. I was over the moon to spend that time with her, and it was such a good bonding experience, I won't even attempt to ruin it by putting it in words, but what I surprised myself when she said she missed him, and I said me too and found myself tearing up as well. I was hoping to get through these first set of holidays numb, not hateful and not hurting, but that's apparently not happening.
I went to bed the other night just fine, only to wake up bawling my eyes out because I was dreaming he was giving me a good morning forehead kiss. To think of so many of these little things that I won't experience with him again strikes a nerve, and it seems impossible that I won't ever feel his hand in mine again, his lips on mine, I won't ever be who I have been, he and I will never be us again. It still just seems like a big mirage.
I was reading a book the other day that says it takes 2 or 3 years on average to heal from a divorce properly. I immediately lost it and flew into a fit of tears. I do not want to feel this way another 2 years! Are you kidding me? I can lie to myself all day and say that I am okay, but look where that has gotten me so far.
Can this all just fade away? I want to wake up now.

When all else fails...

blog.
What a lonely world we live in, right? With all the advances of technology, it's easier to get online and vent when you are having an issue than it is to go to someone and ask them to go out of their comfort zone, put whichever device they are addicted to down for a minute and just let you cry, yell, vent, be held etc.
So, here I have found myself, all night long, processing the information that my ex husband has moved on, and not only this but to say the very least this has been a long time coming, like the whole last year of our marriage (not counting since I have known of him wanting the divorce). AND not only that either, she and her infant son are living with him. All of that is just icing on the damn cake to be quite honest. I won't divulge the other 12 things on my mind out of respect for him. Can you believe that, I'm still worried about having respect for him. Hmm, that is kind of hard for me to process at the moment honestly.
I have never just lost my temper with him, I have always tried to understand his way of thinking first and I can usually see from most points of view, however the past month I have found myself on 3 different occasions just wanting to lose my voice in a fit of rage screaming at him. Of course this won't happen because it is me we are talking about.
So while they are over there playing happy family (I presume of course) here I sit. Raising these two sweet girls, going back to school full-time, living now with my ex-husbands mother (who is literally the best woman on the planet, no sarcasm on that either) so that my babies have someone around who truely loves them as often as humanely possible in my situation. Not only for that reason, but also so he would know I'm not out acting crazy and partying and hanging out with random men etc. Again, respecting him, what the hell am I thinking, right?
I had so many signs to leave. I really did. Knowing that, I still don't think I would have because I really wanted to show him he should love himself by how much I loved him. Some people just won't understand that way I guess. Maybe God will bless him another way and he will realize. Who knows.

Until then, when all else fails I will probably blog.

The D Word

Hi all my fellow inter-web dweebs.
I have been one hell of a busy bee, and personally under a TON of personal construction.
I got the shocking news one morning after my husbands CQ shift basically a month after Baby #2 was born, the news that he wanted the dreaded and over used D word. A Divorce. I am smack dab in the middle of one of those. It's been almost 5 months now since I heard him say it and it still strikes a nerve in my heart, and in my head.
Just out of respect I'll keep the personal details there at a minimum for now since it is still such a hard topic for me, and any random day I feel stronger than the next. However, this D word sure dues bring about a lot of change. I have found the D word really is what you make it. Positive learning experience or a negative drama filled heated soul sucker, most days I choose positive.
I have both my baby girls full time, have moved back to the DFW area, did have a full-time job however decided I want to go back to school full-time and become a personal trainer/elementary school PE teacher (because who didn't love dodge ball and field day back then!); I am changing. I am realizing so many things about marriage, mine specifically as well as the term. Not just marriage, but myself. Who am I? I ask myself this more now than I ever have. Mostly because I now have two sweet angel babies watching my every move, and I mean EVERY! I know the woman I want to be, but as I ask myself "Who am I?" I need to make sure I know "Why am I"?
I asked my almost Ex-Husband last night "When did I change into this hateful person?". After settling his confusion in my random question he answered and it told me all I needed to know. Yes, his actions somewhere about a year into our relationship had begun this monster I have become, but am I going to blame him and get no where, or take responsibility for my actions? Every day I hope to choose the latter, but the truth is that probably won't happen.
I'm hoping to stretch my mind and grow from this. Praying not to loose my faith. And begging God to help me heal. I miss being a happy person, I miss loving people, I miss being open but not brutal.
Who are you in your relationship? Has that always been you? Do you want that to always be? Change it now, or it will not change.

Ta-ta cyberland

Medications during Labor and Breastfeeding

Be informed!
Well, I am in a facebook group for mommies from all over the place who are due in March 2014. It is a support group and we are there to make each other laugh and to confide in as well. Today a topic on our wall is about after birth care and I asked something about Breastfeeding that I never realized I needed to look into before. "Does Pitocin and or having an epidural affect breastfeeding?"
Well I got the answer to that, and found out a bit more about Pitocin and Jaundice correlations as well! Check out this article below.

Figuring How Medications during Labor Affect Breastfeeding - For Dummies

I am upset with myself for not researching this prior to my first child, but I had no idea it was something that would affect us for the long term. I'm not telling you as a new mommy or an experienced mommy that anything you choose is wrong, just want you to be informed in case this would make you do anything differently, the way I know it has confirmed my desire for a natural and medication free labor and delivery.

Ta-Ta!

To H2O Birth or Not

March 6, 2014 = estimated D-DAY!
and the question I keep asking myself is if I can really do this natural birth thing!

With baby #1 it went something like this:
Water started leaking while I was out shopping, just a little bit, so we went home and grabbed my hospital bag and I cleaned up the mess in my undies from the leakage. (FTM mistake!) First time mommas, don't clean yourself up, matter of fact the last few weeks wear a pad! This way if you have a leak that is minimal it can be detected!
We drove 30 minutes to the hospital on post only to be told I had no fluid in my hoo-ha, and not to clean-up next time I think my water breaks.
At this point, after waiting around in L&D for about 2 hours we head back home. It had started snowing. So it takes us about an hour to get home safely as the roads were starting to ice over. We lived at the top of a gigantic valley hill in Puyallup, Wa.We couldn't even get into our parking spot out our apartment complex due to the degree of the hill. So I waddle my way down an ice covered hill and up ice covered stairs with my nervous husband inches behind me.
We crawl into bed, get busy, pass out quickly.
7:05 am I wake up thinking I have to pee, I stand up and take two steps and notice pee is slowly dripping down my leg. I waddle into the bathroom, not wanting to have another unnescesary trip to the post hospital in this weather, and not wanting to wake my husband to worry him if it is nothing, I sit on the potty for a minute and here a constant drip long after I go pee. I put on a pad and pull my panties up and go to lay in bed and wait to see if my pad fills up, but as I am on my waddly way back to bed I notice a fresh blood spot on the carpet from my dripping. So I wake my husband up and we slowly and calmly pack up and head out thinking we will just be sent back for a false alarm again.
So we slip and slide up the now frozen over night hill and climb into the car to take an hour and a half slow venture to the post hospital.
They confirmed I was in labor (I wasn't feeling contractions, or at least not noticing what was happening as at this point I was a FTM.
My birthplan the whole pregnancy was for an epidural, and STAT! After all, who am I to think I could live through childbirth! Impossible!
So as soon as they offered I said yes, and I felt not a single thing but numb from that point on. I couldn't tell if or when I was pushing, they even told me to grunt and I made the most fake grunting noise possible. 9 hours at the hospital (with the help of pitocin to speed up labor) and my daughter entered the world, all the while God was throwing confetti (snow) all over the place to celebrate her birth, and I gradually started gaining feeling back in my bottom half.

THIS TIME!
I have decided I am strong, other women have done this, I do not want to feel so out of it for such a significant part of life. I want to be a part of my delivery this time, and know that I am pushing!
The plan is to be completely unmedicated, no pitocin, and to let labor progress at home as long as possible. The post we are at now has tubs for water labor and water birth, and I can't help but want to try it. The chances of tearing are lower, stress to the baby is typically a lot lower, and there is something that just seems easier about it. Not to mention you can't see my hoo haa bright as day if it is under water (at least I feel like it is a little bit more camoflauged).
I think I have a lot more confidence, mostly due to realizing I have a God who loves me. My marriage isn't brand new anymore. Being a mommy isn't brand new anymore. I feel like I am a little more prepared, but as soon as I start feeling that way it scares the heck out of me!
Have you ever watched a waterbirth video? YouTube it! All these women seem so calm, so serene but so in the moment and aware. I wonder if I can really do that, during such a big moment, can I really keep calm and trust in God to help me through?
I fear feeling like a failure because I chicken out and want an epidural. I fear I lose faith in myself and my God. This almost makes me want to go straight for an epidural like last time, but I know facing that needle in my back instead of facing my fears of self will only make me feel weak anyways.

So, prayerfully a waterbirth is in my future, and I can make it to the end without giving in.
Anyone who has delivered this way, or been a part of this type of delivery, please send words of wisdom and encouragement my way. I sure could use some the next month or so!

Big Sister

Emery Fate Speigel
My sweet, curly-haired, almost 3 year old only child.
I have not taken the time to think of the things that are about to change for my sweet angel. I have thought about it broadly, how she will have a friend to do things with, to share with. I hadn't thought about the small things, not in depth at least. I read a blog tonight that turned my world upside down. It is a blog about a second child, the day she was born, and the mom being... oh I don't know what word describes it best... scared, surprised, caught off guard once the sweet second child was laid on her chest. This mother mentioned how she spent the last few hours with her oldest daughter, and pointed out how she would not be an only child much longer. At this point, my heart ached for my sweet Emery, and I went and held her as she was sleeping and I wept. The things she is going to experience, the changes this means for her; I knew, but never really thought about how different it will be for her.
After holding my big girl for 15 minutes or so I came back to finish reading the blog. The second child/baby in the blog had down syndrome and it was not known until her birthday by anyone. The mom describes all the different emotions and how the next few days went for her and how she grew and found her bond with the baby that was not what she had expected. This made me think of a friend who had a baby at full-term born still-born. What will I do if these things happen to me? How will I handle them? Most mom's just expect a nice healthy 100% normal baby, but in reality not every baby is.
I know God cherishes children, and I know down syndrome is not the end of the world by any means. I know if I have a baby born sleeping I will learn from it. What I want to know is, what would my natural instinct be? Or maybe I don't want to know... My heart aches the way any mother's would.
My world has been shaken tonight. 1. My first sweet girl is about to have her world turned upside down and affected in who knows what ways. 2. You never know what could happen during or after delivery. It is in God's hands and I know he only gives these special babies to those who are very deserving of them, but I pray if I were to have such circumstances happen upon me that I would have the strength to be the mommy I need to be.
Thank you God for bringing this blog onto my path.

Happy Holidays!

Hey there everyone!
I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas, and give a brief update.
I am LOVING not working (well out of the house), snuggling with my daughter, babysitting and of course getting my Mary Kay shine on! We're going out of town to see my Father in Law for a few days, then to my Mother In Laws for a bit after that. I am so excited to get to go see everyone!
My babyshower is on December 28 for this baby GIRL number 2. I am so blessed to have a mother-in-law who cares so much. I didn't get a baby shower for my first since we were in Washington, so this is truly exciting.
I can't wait to get back and only have about 50 days left til my due date! Things are happening, and they are happening quickly!
How are you doing?! What are your holiday plans?!

Thaksgiving in Dallas

Well well well.

I am elated that we are back in Texas around family, especialy at this time of year! We went up to Dallas (well technically Frisco) mid-Wednesday and the traffic was not terrible, but not the greatest either. My little girl lit up seeing her Granny & Mr. Mark (her granny's long-term boyfriend). She just loves seeing them! Wednesday was pretty relaxed. Thanksgiving Thursday we went to Mr. Mark's parent's house and it was just like I remember from last year, only my husband was home with us to indulge in the holiday goodies!

Mr. Mark's dad is in his 70's and has Alzheimers. It has gotten so much worse over this past year. He is about half the weight he was (which wasn't much to begin with), he was talking to random objects, or no objects at all and he was attempting to eat everything, edible or not. It breaks my heart to think what his marriage is going through, what he is going through, the family. I mean, if it hurts me so bad to know what he is going through, you know the grandchildren children and wife must be devistated. I spent most of Thanksgiving worried about him, hoping he is enjoying being around family, when he remembers who they are of course.

I really don't know too much about Alzheimers, other than it makes people forget... I've decided it is time to research. I learned this past week that there are more symptoms than just memory loss, and I want to know more about it.

Thursday I must have ate too much, ended up sick multiple times throughout the night and ended up going to L&D to get checked out since I couldn't keep anything down. Gas, of course it felt like I was in pre-term labor though. Thankfully, baby is doing great and a bit of nausea medicine cleared things up.

My little family and I indulged in a few clothing items each on Black Friday, and saw nothing crazy, thank goodness. By the time Friday came to a close I was pretty sad. It is so nice having people around who are family. I hadn't had this feeling before, the comfortable feeling of knowing these people will love you no matter what. I am so thankful for my Mother-In-Law and her side of the family, including "Mr. Mark".

We headed back home on Saturday and I went straight to a networking event and met some great women with some wonderful visions and hearts. I am so glad to have met them! This was my first "vendor" event and I loved it, I learned from it and I want to grow from it! So inspiring to see other women out there doing what I am doing, and from so many different aspects!

I hope you all had a great holiday "weekend" and remember those who will have holidays that aren't quite as happy as they used to be for multiple reasons that life throws at us all at random times. Pray for those you do and do not know and love your neighors!

Pregnancy Hormones

We'll I know my third trimester is here because I get super emotional during the last bit, and we'll today I spent feeling every emotion possible for probably no reason. I'll post when my eyes are not all swollen and puffy.
Oh joy.

Update Nov 2013

So, it's been a while! A cross-country move, broken laptop, new Full-Time job and even MY SECOND PREGNANCY has kept me too busy to blog! Well, now that my computer is up and running (slowly but surely), I'm about in my third-trimester, and I quit my FT job to pick Mary Kay back up... this blog is back in business!  Who am I kidding, no one reads this thing, but maybe some day someone will. Who knows!

Well for an update, I am almost 25 weeks along with this pregnancy. Baby number 2 is a girl, which Baby number 1 seemed to know all along. She is due March 6  and we are betting she will be here early just like her big sister was. I'm planning on breast feeding this time, even when times get tough I don't want to give up! I may be having a natural labor, as long as God is by my side all things are possible, right?! Let's pray on that one!
We've made it to Fort Hood and gotten fairly cozy and adjusted to our life back in Texas. We enjoy seeing family more often than during our time in Washington. My husband has actually kept the same goal for about a year now and wants to become a Police Officer once this contract is up. So far we are thinking in or near Austin, Tx. Anyone have any input on either the area or the job related to that area?
I am missing some things about Washington, but it's not as bad as I was missing being "home". I've found that with how busy I have become I started drifting a bit from my Godly devotion, and that saddens me. Part of this has to do with not being able to find a church we all fill at home with quite yet. However, on Sunday I realized we live in a world with technology and I could at very least listen to sermons from a church that I miss dearly in Grand Prairie. Crosspoint Church of Christ. That place really makes my heart whole, even only being able to hear the lesson of the week helps a bit.
We are looking at becoming homeowners soon, possibly in about a year and a half. We are actually looking at Palm Harbor Homes. Say what you will, some people don't like them. I really don't care because I love everything I know about them so far! It is such a perfect way to go for young adults with a family, and I dream of moving into a home that only we have memories in!
As for Mary Kay, I am thinking big things, and have a goal in mind this time, a more realistic and plausible goal. I just have to learn how to tackle the area I live in and make it mine! If you know anyone wanting to become a consultant, in need of gifts for the holidays or wanting to earn up to $100 in free products by hosting a party (even virtual parties win free things) then let me know. I'm going to try and keep from using this solely as a way of business, but every once in a while there will be some info about Mary Kay, if you aren't interested then just disregard. A girl has to earn her money someway, and what better way to do that then partying and pampering women everywhere?

For now, I have some late night laundry to fold and probably some rocky road on the agenda as well.
Ta-Ta!

Mary Kay 50th Anniversary Year End Sale!

For everyone who does not yet have a Mary Kay Consultant: I figured I would let you all know that I am throwing a huge sale today June 29,2013 ONLY in celebration of the end of Mary Kay's 50th year anniversary! 

30% off of EVERYTHING when you order on my website TODAY!

If you aren't interested maybe you know someone who could use this, send them my way if they do not yet have a consultant then this discount is for them! 

If you have never tried Mary Kay before then I have some GREAT news for you! I would love to send you some free samples!!! I want you to know how great our products are so that they may help better your life!

Also, like my facebook page for an entry into a drawing for a free brush set at 100 likes! Share the page for additional entries!

We have 7 combinations of skin-care sets that meet your proper skin-care needs! If you need help deciding on your order or more info on my current deals then call me at 253-241-7489!!!

My Mary Kay Website 

My Mary Kay Facebook Page 

Free Mary Kay Oil-Free Eye Makeup Remover

I am placing anyone who likes my business page today into a drawing if my Facebook Business page gets up to 150 likes for a FREE Mary Kay Oil Free Eye Makeup Remover! Share my page & tell people about my giveaway!

I have a lot of deals going on right now. Anyone who purchases from my Mary Kay website or me personally before June 15 will receive placement into a drawing for $50 in FREE products, as well as whoever places the highest purchase before June 15 will receive $50 in FREE products!
Anyone who gets has a skin-care class/facial with me receives placement into a $50 product drawing too!
Host a party of 3 or more people with me and receive 10% off of your order that day as well as a $15 FREE product!
https://www.facebook.com/MaryKayMyWayJessicaSpeigel
www.marykay.com/jspeigel

Trichotillomania

The compulsion to tear or pluck out the hair on one's head and face and often to ingest it.

I have struggled with this disease since middle school. I remember seeing my mother and my grandmother do these things as well, and we were all ashamed of it. Over the past year, since I realized there was a name for it, and it is a disease, I am not ashamed. This does not mean that I am proud, just that I accept it and can tell people about my problem.

I struggle less and less since I am aware and have realized my "triggers". Stress and Anxiety build up within me easily and lead to me pulling my eyelashes and eyebrows. It has been such an embarrassing struggle and I never understood exactly why I did it. I refuse to be a "puller" any longer! I have a daughter and do not want the chain to continue to her.

Since realizing what I was doing, and figuring out my triggers I found the only things that help me not to pull are praying, which sadly does not always work, and making others aware of the situation so that I know people are watching and they know that I am vulnerable. This keeps me on my toes and makes me not want to give others the chance to judge me.

Telling people is very hard, and humbling. I sometimes find it hard to believe that others will understand and believe that I have been through the life that I have. Sometimes I feel like I am complaining about nothing because I know there are people that have had it worse. My childhood was extremely hard and I will keep it at that for the blogging world, but between those stressors and seeing my mother and grandmother "pull" when they got stressed it led to my Trichotillomania.

Be aware. Accept. Inform.

Those are the only steps that I can say begin a working process on healing yourself.

 Order lash and brow building serum from my Mary Kay website and receive 40% off of this item every time.

www.marykay.com/jspeigel 

Fathers Day is coming up!

 Father's Day June 16, 2013

Get prepared now!!!

Although I don't have a Daddy to buy for this Father's Day, I do have a spouse who LOVES Domain by MK! Mary Kay has a line called MK Men that carries all his skin-care needs as well as 5 different colognes. Mary Kay carries different trial/travel packs so the Daddy of your choice can figure out exactly what he likes best. Stop by my website today and order for Fathers Day 2013.

 

Grab something for yourself or a graduate while you are at it! If you purchase any shade of True Dimensions Lipstick, Lip Liner and a Lip Gloss you get a Gold Lip Clutch with a FREE Lip Gloss!!! (Offer only available while supplies lasts!)

If you're someone looking to work from home, Mary Kay has a great opportunity to offer you! I love this company and I've only been in since May 9, but already my dreams are seriously coming true, with hard work and dedication I'm moving up the ladder. It helps that I love our products, but it isn't about selling the product, it's about the relationship and putting people first!

Ask me for more details on how you can be your own boss!

Visit my Mary Kay page!

When I was Three or Four

Matthew 18: 2-6

He called a little child and had him stand among them.  And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.  But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

My mom was dating a guy who later became her husband (only by law, not by actual marriage). We would stay at his house every once in a while. He had a huge Lion Fish that he just loved! Of course he loved it, it was EXPENSIVE! Well one morning no one was up with me and I thought that the fish looked so hungry so I got a block of Colby-Jack cheese out of the refrigerator. I love Colby-Jack! Why wouldn't a fish love it too?! Well obviously a fish doesn't need cheese, and definitely not a whole block of it at that.

At this point in time my mom and her at the time boyfriend were still good people, even to this day I feel like they had the best intentions with me at that point. He didn't get mad at me, I'm not sure if he was just trying to impress my mom or what, but he won my heart then.

As life went on and they had my brother. They got deep in drugs and my mom started stripping and it was just all down hill. The only man I'd ever called dad, who wasn't even my own dad, changed his fate in my life by bringing my family down a long-drawn out hurt-filled venture via addiction.

I recently forgave him, to the best of my abilities. He has turned his life around quite a bit, getting college degrees and getting healthy. I'm not close to him so I do not know for sure, but I am pretty sure he is drug-free now. 

Anyways, this is where that memory brought me. Yay for blogging ideas!

:/ 

Thankful & Sad

Proverbs 10:7

The memory of the righteous is blessed, But the name of the wicked will rot.

Being a military wife, and mother to a child whom I had to hold close every night for 9 months by myself it is an amazing feeling to have my husband home in my arms, and with no physical disabilities at that! However, deployment and deaths and injuries of his brothers in arms are feelings beyond words. Although I am thankful, I know a few who have not been so lucky as to have their spouse, son, daughter, sibling etc.come back from war into their arms.

I told my husband yesterday that I am so thankful that I don't have to be hurting right now, because he had two close calls during his deployment that could have easily made me a widow had they been handled wrong. I am so thankful; however my heart hurts as I lack the words to comfort acquaintances and friends who lose their loved ones to war. There are women who have stayed here near our current duty station even though they lost their spouse over a year ago, simply because this is the last place they were together and they don't feel comfortable anywhere else. I can't imagine that pain, and I am so close to it. I can't imagine how civilian families can even begin to comprehend how the loss of a soldier affects someone.

We barbeque on memorial day weekend, and we get together to drink when the men and women who died for us can not enjoy such things because they are in heaven reaping the benefits of a life well served. All we can do is remember, and I don't mean remember for just a second, it's Memorial Day WEEKEND. 

Think about the soldier who died who had a child they had never yet met because their baby was born during deployment and they didn't receive leave time and died before they could make it home. That baby could be 2 now, or 5 10 16 20 etc. Just imagine, having a parent who died so honorably, yet you never met them. Let it sink in. 

Think about the fiance who planned her whole wedding over the months to year that her loved one was deployed, the one who may have never received the call or information through family line that her Husband-to-be was no longer a part of her life plan. Think of the decisions she had to make from there on. Think of the hurt she goes through if she chose to move on and is with someone else, or that she feels if she still can't get over him. Think of her at these BBQ's full of great times.

Think about the parents who were sick in the hospital during deployment, the ones who were helping raise their child's children by supporting the spouse left behind. Think about the siblings who had bad parental influence and looked up to their older brother/sister in every way, and now they don't have that. Think about the friends who hadn't seen their buddy in years because s/he got stationed thousands of miles away and were awaiting their dear friends arrival because s/he was getting out of the military after this deployment, the soldier who only had a month after deployment left in this lifestyle.

Think about the soldiers who do come back, and while on the outside they look "fine" they battle with PTSD and feel ashamed because they are supposed to be strong, but they hurt. Think about the friends/ siblings in arms that they have lost, they have noticed are hurting.

These are things that will never change for these people, and most of the time you can't see just how much they are hurt. The people they surround themselves with are affected because it is usually difficult to know what to say or how to say it to help the widows, mommys, daddys, siblings, friends who lost someone near and dear to them in such an honorable manner.

Remember our fallen soldiers this Memorial Day. Remember that every day is hard for many people around us due to the loss of a soldier. Many people are too proud to say it, but they hurt. Pray for the families and friends and Battle Buddies who may never have closure.

Remember to toast, pray, mention, honor, fallen soldiers in some way while you hang out with the people near and dear to you this weekend. Love them and hold them close.

A Day in My Shoes

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

• Make breakfast
• Read devotional
• Read Mary Kay Ash' Miracles Happen
• Get dressed
• Put my face on
• Bow Chicka Wow Wow
• Host Marriage On The Rock Group
• Set-up my first Mary Kay business partner!
• Ordered my "store"!
• Cleaned up after unruly toddler
• Went to Armed Forces Day on post
• Relaxing and doing small work tasks the rest of the night